One of the greatest obstacles to living from the inside out isn’t what happens to us. It’s what we repeatedly tell ourselves about what happens to us.

Far too many people spend years – sometimes decades – allowing fear, anxiety, and self-doubt to become the loudest voices in their lives. You know the voice.

The one that shows up right before a presentation, a performance, a difficult conversation, or a new opportunity and says:

• “You’ll embarrass yourself.”
• “You can’t handle this.”
• “You’re going to fail.”
• “What if everything goes wrong?”
• “Better stay where it’s safe.”

What’s amazing is that this voice has a terrible track record and yet somehow keeps getting promoted. It predicts disasters that never happen. It exaggerates problems. It questions your abilities.

And despite all of that, many of us continue treating it like a trusted advisor. The longer you listen to that voice, the more convincing it becomes. Eventually, fear stops being something you experience and starts becoming part of who you think you are.

Instead of saying, “I feel anxious,” you begin saying, “I am an anxious person.” Instead of, “I’m nervous about speaking,” it becomes, “I’m just not a speaker.” Fear begins to steal more than your peace of mind. It starts stealing opportunities, relationships, experiences, and dreams.

That’s why learning to manage your inner dialogue is one of the most important skills you can develop.

Step 1: Stop the Thought

When you notice an anxious or self-defeating thought beginning to gain momentum, interrupt it. Immediately.

One of the most common patterns I see in my coaching clients is hesitation.

Not laziness.
Not lack of talent.
Not lack of desire.

Hesitation.

People often know exactly what they want to do, say, create, pursue, or change. The problem is that fear keeps interrupting like an overly cautious consultant who was never hired but still has strong opinions.

Whether it’s speaking in front of a crowd, starting a business, pursuing a creative dream, ending an unhealthy relationship, changing careers, or finally having an honest conversation, fear has a remarkable ability to redirect people straight into the neighborhood of “Maybe someday.”

And unfortunately, ‘someday’ keeps getting postponed.

Instead of acting, people prepare endlessly. They overthink. They research. They make plans. They ask for advice from fourteen different people, including one cousin who has never successfully done anything but somehow still speaks with tremendous authority.

Months pass.
Sometimes years.

Eventually, people become incredibly skilled at avoiding discomfort while convincing themselves they are “still working on it.”

If fear of any kind creates obstacles in your life, performance or business, finding ways to keep yourself grounded and anchored is crucial to managing such anxious moments.

The following 8 simple, yet powerful and effective, tips are valuable during times of feeling extreme anxiety and panic. Practice these whenever you begin to feel anxious and take charge of your mindset and physical self to return to a calm and stress-free life.

1. This feeling is not dangerous.
   What you’re experiencing may feel intense, but it is simply your body’s stress response turning up the volume – not a threat to your safety.
2. I am not seriously ill.
   These sensations can feel very alarming, but they are harmless and will not cause you physical harm.
3. Let it be.
   Allow the sensations to rise and fall without resisting them. Panic tends to intensify when fought – giving it space helps it move through more quickly.
4. Breathe and release.
   Take a slow, steady breath in, and as you exhale, consciously let go of tension. Focus on softening rather than controlling.
5. Stay where you are.
   Remain present and as comfortable as possible without escaping the situation. Sitting or pausing helps reinforce your sense of safety.
6. Do not fuel the fear.
   Avoid catastrophic thinking or “what if” spirals. Let the moment be what it is without adding fearful interpretation.
7. This will pass.
   Panic is temporary. When it is not reinforced by fear, it naturally rises and falls like a wave.
8. Look outward and ground yourself.
   Gently shift attention to your surroundings – people, sounds, or small details – to reconnect with the present moment and your environment.

As things calm down, let your body relax. Take a steady breath, release the tension, and carry on. Every time you get through one of these, you take a little bit of your power back – and your body learns to be a little less dramatic the next time.

Achieving consistent high performance is crucial for personal and professional success. An effective way to boost your performance is by creating a performance anchor – a set of habits and strategies that help you stay focused, motivated, and productive.

In this post, I share 8 steps to creating a performance, and life, anchor that can supercharge your success.

• Set gentle, clear goals
  Take a little time to define what truly matters to you. Clear and achievable goals give you direction, like a quiet compass guiding your efforts.
• Choose a few meaningful habits
  Focus on small, supportive habits that move you forward – things like quieting your mind, managing your time and caring for your body.
• Build a steady routine
  Create a daily rhythm that feels sustainable. Consistency, even in small steps, helps anchor your progress over time.
• Care for your well-being
  Make space for rest, nourishing food, and movement. When your body and mind feel supported, everything else becomes easier.
• Practice mindfulness
  Slow down when you can. A few moments of mindfulness or meditation can bring clarity, reduce stress, and help you stay present.

As I mentioned in my previous post, one of the biggest struggles with anxiety – whether it shows up in public speaking, business, or everyday life – comes down to where your focus is.

A lot of the time, the goal becomes being liked, accepted, or approved of by others. And when that’s the goal, pressure is inevitable. You start overthinking, second-guessing yourself, and worrying about how you’re coming across.

Real change starts when you shift that focus inward. At the root of a lot of anxiety is low self-esteem – not feeling solid in who you are without needing validation from others. Once you see that clearly, you can begin to change it.

Here are three practical ways to move from awareness into real progress.

1) Give yourself credit – especially for small wins

Start paying attention to what you are doing, not just what you’re not.

For example, if speaking up makes you anxious and you volunteer to lead a meeting, it’s easy to dismiss it: “Yeah, but I was nervous the whole time.” Instead, try seeing it for what it is: “That was a big step. I showed up and did something uncomfortable.”

Most people overlook their progress. Small wins get brushed off with thoughts like “that doesn’t count” or “I should be further along by now.” Over time, that mindset builds the belief that nothing you do is ever enough.

But that’s just a habit – and it can be changed.

Start giving yourself permission to feel good about progress, even if it seems small. Progress is still progress. You’re not aiming for perfection; you’re aiming for growth.

When I first started speaking professionally, I remember people coming up to me after a talk and saying things like, “Dr. Lazaris, that was great – I really enjoyed it. What you shared is going to help me a lot.” And almost without thinking, I’d shrug it off and say, “Oh, it was nothing.”

But let’s be honest – that wasn’t true.

I had spent hours preparing. I cared about what I was doing, and I put real effort into doing it well. It wasn’t “nothing” at all. Looking back, I wish I had just paused, taken it in, and said something simple like, “Thank you, I really appreciate that. That means a lot.”

Maybe you can relate to that. Maybe you tend to downplay your strengths or brush off compliments. Maybe you put other people ahead of yourself so often that it feels strange – almost uncomfortable – to be recognized. You might even find yourself wondering how someone could truly like you, or care about you, or value what you bring.

And when someone does say something kind? It can be hard to accept. Hard to just say, “Thanks… yeah, I am actually pretty good at that.”

At the heart of all this is one big question: “Am I worth it?”

A lot of us spend our energy trying to be liked, accepted, or approved of by others before we’ve ever really learned to like ourselves. We chase validation outward instead of building it inward. But that approach rarely works for long.

Do social situations ever flip a switch in your brain – from “I’m fine” to “Everyone is judging me” in about three seconds? You’re not alone. Anxiety and self-doubt love to show up right when you’d rather feel calm, confident, and completely yourself.

The good news? Confidence isn’t about eliminating anxiety – it’s about not letting it run the show. With a few practical mind shifts and talking to yourself in a gentler way, you can show up feeling more grounded and self-assured around others.

Here are 8 realistic ways to project confidence in any social situation. Make an intentional decision to practice these tips, be patient with yourself, and watch how confidence starts to feel a lot more natural over time.

1. Question the Story in Your Head

Anxiety almost always starts with unhelpful self-talk. Commit to catching those inner negative thoughts as soon as you hear them, “I’m awkward, I’ll mess this up, What if I look or sound stupid…” and simply tell them to “STOP” – do not let these negative messages build a foundation for anxiety.

2. Breathe Like You Mean It

Slow, deep breathing tells your nervous system it’s safe to calm down. Inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth, and repeat. It’s simple, subtle, and surprisingly powerful.

3. Picture It Going Well

Before walking into a social situation, imagine yourself relaxed, engaged, and enjoying the moment. Visualization helps your brain practice success instead of panic. You are always visualizing – it’s a question of whether the mental picture is a positive or negative one!

4. Move the Spotlight Off of You

Get curious about other people. Confidence grows when your focus moves off of you. Ask questions. Listen. Be interested. When you focus on others, anxiety will begin to naturally fade into the background.