One of the greatest obstacles to living from the inside out isn’t what happens to us. It’s what we repeatedly tell ourselves about what happens to us.

Far too many people spend years – sometimes decades – allowing fear, anxiety, and self-doubt to become the loudest voices in their lives. You know the voice.

The one that shows up right before a presentation, a performance, a difficult conversation, or a new opportunity and says:

• “You’ll embarrass yourself.”
• “You can’t handle this.”
• “You’re going to fail.”
• “What if everything goes wrong?”
• “Better stay where it’s safe.”

What’s amazing is that this voice has a terrible track record and yet somehow keeps getting promoted. It predicts disasters that never happen. It exaggerates problems. It questions your abilities.

And despite all of that, many of us continue treating it like a trusted advisor. The longer you listen to that voice, the more convincing it becomes. Eventually, fear stops being something you experience and starts becoming part of who you think you are.

Instead of saying, “I feel anxious,” you begin saying, “I am an anxious person.” Instead of, “I’m nervous about speaking,” it becomes, “I’m just not a speaker.” Fear begins to steal more than your peace of mind. It starts stealing opportunities, relationships, experiences, and dreams.

That’s why learning to manage your inner dialogue is one of the most important skills you can develop.

Step 1: Stop the Thought

When you notice an anxious or self-defeating thought beginning to gain momentum, interrupt it. Immediately.

Say: “STOP!” Picture a bright red stop sign. Don’t debate the thought. Don’t negotiate with it. Don’t invite it to sit down and explain itself over coffee. Just stop it.

Sometimes the healthiest response to a negative thought is simply:

“Thank you for sharing your opinion. Now please be quiet.”

Step 2: Replace the Thought

Stopping the thought creates space. Now fill that space with something better. Our brains create neural pathways based on repetition. The more often we think a thought, the easier it becomes to think it again.

If you’ve spent years rehearsing thoughts like:

• “I’ll always be anxious.”
• “I can’t handle pressure.”
• “I’m not confident enough.”

Your mind naturally follows those familiar routes. But new routes can be built.

Replace:

• “I can’t do this” with “I’m learning to do this”

Replace:

• “I’m going to panic” with “I have tools that can help me stay present”

Replace:

• “I’ve always been this way” with “I’m becoming stronger than I used to be”

Step 3: Repeat Until You Believe the New Story

Lasting change doesn’t happen because of one positive thought. It happens because you consistently choose healthier thoughts over fearful ones. Each time you do, you strengthen a new pathway.

Little by little:

• Confidence grows.
• Fear loses its authority.
• New possibilities appear.

Living from the inside out means refusing to let fear write your life story. It means choosing thoughts that support who you are becoming rather than who fear says you are.

Remember:

• Your brain can learn.
• Your habits can change.
• Your confidence can grow.

So today, give your inner critic a coffee break. Actually, make it a long vacation.

Then start creating the thoughts that will help create the life you’ve been wanting all along.

The post Before You Listen to That Voice Again… first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

One of the most common patterns I see in my coaching clients is hesitation.

Not laziness.
Not lack of talent.
Not lack of desire.

Hesitation.

People often know exactly what they want to do, say, create, pursue, or change. The problem is that fear keeps interrupting like an overly cautious consultant who was never hired but still has strong opinions.

Whether it’s speaking in front of a crowd, starting a business, pursuing a creative dream, ending an unhealthy relationship, changing careers, or finally having an honest conversation, fear has a remarkable ability to redirect people straight into the neighborhood of “Maybe someday.”

And unfortunately, ‘someday’ keeps getting postponed.

Instead of acting, people prepare endlessly. They overthink. They research. They make plans. They ask for advice from fourteen different people, including one cousin who has never successfully done anything but somehow still speaks with tremendous authority.

Months pass.
Sometimes years.

Eventually, people become incredibly skilled at avoiding discomfort while convincing themselves they are “still working on it.”

Meanwhile, children are out there living life like tiny stunt performers with snack breaks.

You know what I mean.

A child falls off a bike, cries with Oscar-worthy emotion for forty-two seconds, accepts a cookie as part of the recovery process, and then jumps right back on the bike like nothing happened.

Children are naturally curious, resilient, and willing to engage with life before they feel completely ready.

Adults, however, often want guarantees.

Kids think:
“Why not try?”

Adults think:
“But what if this becomes embarrassing and I remember it at 3:00 a.m. for the next decade?”

Children run into life. Adults often stand at the edge of it conducting detailed risk assessments.

At some point, many of us learned that avoiding discomfort became more important than experiencing life fully. So we start protecting ourselves from rejection, criticism, failure, uncertainty, and vulnerability.

Eventually, we become so careful that we accidentally stop living boldly at all.

• Fear Sounds Surprisingly Reasonable

Fear rarely announces itself dramatically.

It usually sounds practical.

“Wait until you feel more confident.”
“You need more preparation.”
“Maybe next year.”
“What if you fail?”
“What if people judge you?”

Fear can sound incredibly logical while quietly convincing you to stay small.

A fear-based person spends much of life waiting:
Waiting for confidence.
Waiting for certainty.
Waiting for the right moment.
Waiting for anxiety to disappear first.

That is a very long waiting list.

The truth is, courage usually does not arrive with fireworks and inspirational background music. Most of the time courage simply whispers:
“Take the next step anyway.”

• Tiny Steps Count More Than Giant Intentions

If you want to change your life, begin with something that genuinely matters to you.

Ask yourself:
“What would I pursue if fear stopped acting like my personal life advisor?”

Then start small.

Not “quit your job tomorrow and move to another country because you watched two motivational videos” small.

Just one honest, manageable step.

Send the email.
Make the call.
Sign up for the class.
Speak up in the meeting.
Submit the application.
Audition.
Write the first page.

Small courageous actions create momentum, and momentum changes people.

Confidence is rarely something people magically discover while sitting safely inside their comfort zone. Confidence is built through action. Every time you move forward despite discomfort, you teach yourself that fear is survivable.

And celebrate progress along the way. Sometimes simply not talking yourself out of something deserves recognition.

• Stop Rehearsing Catastrophes

Most anxiety lives in the future.

People spend enormous amounts of mental energy rehearsing conversations that have not happened, imagining disasters that never occur, and predicting outcomes with the optimism of a malfunctioning weather app.

Meanwhile, life is happening now.

Practice staying where your feet are.

Fear also exaggerates. Your inner critic may sound convincing, but it is often dramatic, inaccurate, and operating without evidence. Learn to question the fearful stories you tell yourself about failure, rejection, or not being enough.

And pay attention to who surrounds you.

Some people encourage growth, courage, creativity, and authenticity.
Others hand out discouragement like free samples at a grocery store.

Choose carefully.

• Learn to Tolerate a Little Discomfort

Growth almost always requires some discomfort.

Not unbearable suffering.
Not “live alone in the wilderness with no Wi-Fi” discomfort.

Just enough discomfort to stretch beyond your familiar patterns.

Every successful, creative, resilient person you admire has experienced setbacks, rejection, embarrassment, mistakes, and failure. The difference is they did not decide those moments defined them.

They kept going.

Failure is feedback, not identity.

Fear itself is not the enemy. Fear is part of being human. The real problem begins when fear becomes the primary decision-maker in your life.

When we stop hiding behind perfectionism, endless preparation, and avoidance, we begin living more honestly and courageously – from the inside out.

So choose something today that matters to you.

Not next year.
Not when you finally feel fearless.
Not after you reorganize the garage, answer every email, and achieve complete emotional enlightenment.Do not wait for it because it is not going to come on its own, no matter how much you want it.

Are you ready to take that first step?

The post How Long Will Fear Steal the Life You Want? first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

If fear of any kind creates obstacles in your life, performance or business, finding ways to keep yourself grounded and anchored is crucial to managing such anxious moments.

The following 8 simple, yet powerful and effective, tips are valuable during times of feeling extreme anxiety and panic. Practice these whenever you begin to feel anxious and take charge of your mindset and physical self to return to a calm and stress-free life.

1. This feeling is not dangerous.
   What you’re experiencing may feel intense, but it is simply your body’s stress response turning up the volume – not a threat to your safety.
2. I am not seriously ill.
   These sensations can feel very alarming, but they are harmless and will not cause you physical harm.
3. Let it be.
   Allow the sensations to rise and fall without resisting them. Panic tends to intensify when fought – giving it space helps it move through more quickly.
4. Breathe and release.
   Take a slow, steady breath in, and as you exhale, consciously let go of tension. Focus on softening rather than controlling.
5. Stay where you are.
   Remain present and as comfortable as possible without escaping the situation. Sitting or pausing helps reinforce your sense of safety.
6. Do not fuel the fear.
   Avoid catastrophic thinking or “what if” spirals. Let the moment be what it is without adding fearful interpretation.
7. This will pass.
   Panic is temporary. When it is not reinforced by fear, it naturally rises and falls like a wave.
8. Look outward and ground yourself.
   Gently shift attention to your surroundings – people, sounds, or small details – to reconnect with the present moment and your environment.

As things calm down, let your body relax. Take a steady breath, release the tension, and carry on. Every time you get through one of these, you take a little bit of your power back – and your body learns to be a little less dramatic the next time.

The post When Panic Strikes: 8 Ways to Stay Grounded first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

Achieving consistent high performance is crucial for personal and professional success. An effective way to boost your performance is by creating a performance anchor – a set of habits and strategies that help you stay focused, motivated, and productive.

In this post, I share 8 steps to creating a performance, and life, anchor that can supercharge your success.

• Set gentle, clear goals
  Take a little time to define what truly matters to you. Clear and achievable goals give you direction, like a quiet compass guiding your efforts.
• Choose a few meaningful habits
  Focus on small, supportive habits that move you forward – things like quieting your mind, managing your time and caring for your body.
• Build a steady routine
  Create a daily rhythm that feels sustainable. Consistency, even in small steps, helps anchor your progress over time.
• Care for your well-being
  Make space for rest, nourishing food, and movement. When your body and mind feel supported, everything else becomes easier.
• Practice mindfulness
  Slow down when you can. A few moments of mindfulness or meditation can bring clarity, reduce stress, and help you stay present.

• Keep learning at your own pace
  Stay curious. Whether it’s reading, listening, or trying something new, learning keeps your mind engaged and growing.
• Use your time with intention
  Gently prioritize what matters most. Let go of unnecessary distractions and focus on what truly deserves your energy.
• Reflect, adjust, and celebrate
  Check in with yourself regularly. Notice what’s working, make small adjustments, and take time to appreciate your progress – every step counts.

A performance anchor doesn’t need to feel rigid or overwhelming. Think of it as a steady, supportive rhythm you return to – one that helps you move forward with clarity and calm.

Creating a performance anchor is a powerful way to achieve your goals and unlock your full performance potential. Remember that building a strong anchor takes time and dedication. It’s about cultivating the right habits and consistently applying them to your life.

Here are a few additional tips to keep in mind as you embark on this journey:

• Start Small: Don’t overwhelm yourself with too many changes at once. Begin with a few key habits and gradually expand from there.
• Track Your Progress: Keep a journal or use a performance tracking app to monitor your progress. This will help you stay motivated and identify areas for improvement.
• Stay Positive: Maintain a positive mindset. Challenges and setbacks are a natural part of the process, but a positive attitude will help you overcome them.
• Seek Support: Don’t be afraid to seek support from coaches, mentors or support groups. Surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals can provide valuable guidance and encouragement.

In conclusion, a well-crafted performance anchor can be a game-changer in your quest for success. By setting clear goals, developing positive habits, and prioritizing self-care, you can create a solid foundation for sustained high performance.

Remember that the journey is just as important as the destination, so embrace the process and stay committed to your anchor.

With time and effort, you’ll reap the rewards of your enhanced performance in all aspects of your life.

The post Enhance Your Performance (and Life) with a Solid Anchor first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

As I mentioned in my previous post, one of the biggest struggles with anxiety – whether it shows up in public speaking, business, or everyday life – comes down to where your focus is.

A lot of the time, the goal becomes being liked, accepted, or approved of by others. And when that’s the goal, pressure is inevitable. You start overthinking, second-guessing yourself, and worrying about how you’re coming across.

Real change starts when you shift that focus inward. At the root of a lot of anxiety is low self-esteem – not feeling solid in who you are without needing validation from others. Once you see that clearly, you can begin to change it.

Here are three practical ways to move from awareness into real progress.

1) Give yourself credit – especially for small wins

Start paying attention to what you are doing, not just what you’re not.

For example, if speaking up makes you anxious and you volunteer to lead a meeting, it’s easy to dismiss it: “Yeah, but I was nervous the whole time.” Instead, try seeing it for what it is: “That was a big step. I showed up and did something uncomfortable.”

Most people overlook their progress. Small wins get brushed off with thoughts like “that doesn’t count” or “I should be further along by now.” Over time, that mindset builds the belief that nothing you do is ever enough.

But that’s just a habit – and it can be changed.

Start giving yourself permission to feel good about progress, even if it seems small. Progress is still progress. You’re not aiming for perfection; you’re aiming for growth.

2) When you mess up, ask: “What’s next?”

You’re going to make mistakes. That’s not the problem. The problem is how you respond to them.

A lot of people immediately turn on themselves: “I can’t believe I did that,” “I’m terrible at this,” “What’s wrong with me?” That kind of thinking doesn’t help – it just keeps you stuck and makes anxiety worse.

Instead, ask a better question: “What should I do next?”

That question shifts your focus from blame to action. It gets you out of your head and into problem-solving.

When you mess up, skip the self-criticism. Focus on what you can do differently next time. Keep it simple and forward-focused.

Also, start noticing how you talk to yourself during the day. A lot of negative self-talk is automatic. You’re not choosing it – it just shows up.

But once you notice it, you can interrupt it.

When you catch yourself being harsh, pause and say, “That’s not helpful.” Then replace it with something more balanced. You don’t need to be overly positive – just fair and constructive.

And if this feels difficult to do on your own, get support. A coach or therapist can help you see patterns you might not notice and guide you in changing them.

3) Start believing you’re worth it

This is the foundation of everything.

A lot of people with anxiety struggle to truly believe they matter. You might recognize your strengths on the surface, but underneath there’s still that feeling of “I’m not enough” or “If people really knew me, they wouldn’t think much of me.”

That belief shapes how you experience life.

When you don’t feel good about yourself, the world feels more intimidating. You hesitate, hold back, and question your place. But when you begin to value yourself, things start to open up. You feel more capable, more confident, and more willing to take risks.

Your relationships are affected too. It’s hard to connect fully when you don’t feel secure in yourself. So you might hide parts of who you are, put up a front, or try to control how others see you.

From the outside, you may seem fine. But inside, it can feel exhausting.

A lot of that comes from shame – the belief that something is wrong with you at your core. And shame is powerful. It keeps you stuck and makes change feel difficult.

The way out is learning to treat yourself with more patience and understanding. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen with consistent effort.

If this resonates with you, consider talking to someone. You don’t have to figure it all out alone.

In the meantime, start paying attention to your inner voice. When negative thoughts show up, question them instead of accepting them.

Remind yourself: “I’m done feeling like an imposter. I matter. I have value.”

It may feel small, but that shift is where everything starts.

The post Is Low Self-Worth Holding You Back? (Part 2) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

When I first started speaking professionally, I remember people coming up to me after a talk and saying things like, “Dr. Lazaris, that was great – I really enjoyed it. What you shared is going to help me a lot.” And almost without thinking, I’d shrug it off and say, “Oh, it was nothing.”

But let’s be honest – that wasn’t true.

I had spent hours preparing. I cared about what I was doing, and I put real effort into doing it well. It wasn’t “nothing” at all. Looking back, I wish I had just paused, taken it in, and said something simple like, “Thank you, I really appreciate that. That means a lot.”

Maybe you can relate to that. Maybe you tend to downplay your strengths or brush off compliments. Maybe you put other people ahead of yourself so often that it feels strange – almost uncomfortable – to be recognized. You might even find yourself wondering how someone could truly like you, or care about you, or value what you bring.

And when someone does say something kind? It can be hard to accept. Hard to just say, “Thanks… yeah, I am actually pretty good at that.”

At the heart of all this is one big question: “Am I worth it?”

A lot of us spend our energy trying to be liked, accepted, or approved of by others before we’ve ever really learned to like ourselves. We chase validation outward instead of building it inward. But that approach rarely works for long.

The Bible says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” The second part of that matters more than we often realize. If you don’t have a basic sense of respect, kindness, and appreciation for yourself, it’s hard to truly extend that to others – or to believe them when they offer it to you.

When anxiety enters the picture, this gets even more tangled. Instead of building a solid sense of self-worth, the focus shifts to making sure other people like you. Your value starts to feel dependent on how you’re perceived, how you perform, or whether you measure up.

Author Pia Melody describes healthy self-esteem as an internal sense of your own worth – something steady that comes from within and carries into your relationships. In other words, it’s not something that rises and falls with every success or failure.

People with healthy self-esteem still have bad days. They still make mistakes, feel embarrassed, get rejected, or deal with criticism. But those moments don’t define them. Their sense of worth stays intact, even when life doesn’t go their way.

On the other hand, when self-esteem is low, your identity can get tied to things outside of you – what others think, how well you perform, whether you succeed, or even whether someone might be judging you behind your back.

The problem is, those external things are always shifting.

If your self-worth depends on whether someone approves of you, you’re setting yourself up for a constant emotional roller coaster. One person might think you’re doing great, while another might not – and suddenly you’re left questioning everything.

That’s why it’s so important to take a step back and get honest with yourself. Ask yourself a few simple questions:

• Do I believe people when they compliment me?
• Do I put myself down or call myself names when I mess up?
• Do I treat mistakes like proof that I’ve failed, instead of part of being human?
• Am I afraid to take risks because I might not succeed?
• Do I struggle to say no or set boundaries?
• Do I take criticism really hard, even when it’s small?

If you find yourself answering “yes” to a lot of these, it’s not a personal flaw – it’s a sign that your self-esteem might need some care and attention.

Here’s the truth: you are going to make mistakes. You’re going to have moments where things don’t go as planned. That’s part of being human, not evidence that something is wrong with you.

Learning to feel good about yourself – really good, not just when things are going well – is essential. It’s what allows you to step into your life, your work, and your creativity with confidence. It’s what helps you believe that you have value and that you deserve meaningful, fulfilling experiences.

If, deep down, you don’t feel like you’re enough, or you see the world as overwhelming and yourself as incapable, it’s easy to start holding back. You might feel like an imposter, avoid opportunities, and slowly shrink your world to stay “safe.”

But real change starts with awareness. When you begin to see that anxiety and fear of taking risks are often rooted in low self-esteem, you can start to shift things.

How, then, can you begin to turn this around, to begin to accept your value and worth? In my next article, I will share 3 powerful principles and steps that you can use to take this awareness and apply it to learning to accept and love yourself.

For now, just begin by noticing how you talk to yourself. Pay attention to that inner voice. And when it turns critical or dismissive, gently challenge it.

Remind yourself: “It’s time to stop acting like I don’t matter – and start showing up like I do.”

I’d love to hear your thoughts. You can email me at nick@drnicklazaris.com.

The post Is Low Self-Worth Holding You Back? (Part 1) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

Do social situations ever flip a switch in your brain – from “I’m fine” to “Everyone is judging me” in about three seconds? You’re not alone. Anxiety and self-doubt love to show up right when you’d rather feel calm, confident, and completely yourself.

The good news? Confidence isn’t about eliminating anxiety – it’s about not letting it run the show. With a few practical mind shifts and talking to yourself in a gentler way, you can show up feeling more grounded and self-assured around others.

Here are 8 realistic ways to project confidence in any social situation. Make an intentional decision to practice these tips, be patient with yourself, and watch how confidence starts to feel a lot more natural over time.

1. Question the Story in Your Head

Anxiety almost always starts with unhelpful self-talk. Commit to catching those inner negative thoughts as soon as you hear them, “I’m awkward, I’ll mess this up, What if I look or sound stupid…” and simply tell them to “STOP” – do not let these negative messages build a foundation for anxiety.

2. Breathe Like You Mean It

Slow, deep breathing tells your nervous system it’s safe to calm down. Inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth, and repeat. It’s simple, subtle, and surprisingly powerful.

3. Picture It Going Well

Before walking into a social situation, imagine yourself relaxed, engaged, and enjoying the moment. Visualization helps your brain practice success instead of panic. You are always visualizing – it’s a question of whether the mental picture is a positive or negative one!

4. Move the Spotlight Off of You

Get curious about other people. Confidence grows when your focus moves off of you. Ask questions. Listen. Be interested. When you focus on others, anxiety will begin to naturally fade into the background.

5. Let Your Body Show Confidence

Relax your shoulders. Stand tall. Make eye contact. Your body can lead even when your mind is catching up!

6. Lower the Pressure with Realistic Expectations

Not every conversation has to be meaningful or memorable. Some chats are just… chats. Give yourself permission to be average, human, and a wonderful work in progress.

7. Ditch Perfection

Awkward moments happen to everyone (and I mean everyone). Say the wrong thing? Forget a name? Smile, shrug it off, and keep going. Confidence grows when you stop trying to be flawless and embrace your imperfections.

8. Celebrate Small Wins

Confidence builds one moment at a time. Did you speak up?… Introduce yourself? … Stay a little longer than usual? That counts. Acknowledge it. Celebrating small victories reinforces positive behavior and motivates further growth and progress.

Confidence doesn’t mean never feeling anxious. It means showing up anyway, imperfect and real. Practice these 8 tips, be patient with yourself, and watch how confidence starts to feel a lot more natural.

Finally,if social anxiety feels overwhelming, getting help from a coach or therapist isn’t weakness – it’s strategy. Support can make the path forward much easier.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. You can email me at nick@drnicklazaris.com.

The post 8 Ways to Feel Confident in Social Situations (Without Losing Your Mind) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

In my coaching work, I have discovered that stress in general has a bad reputation. In fact, we talk about it like it’s our enemy – something to be eliminated, escaped, or managed into oblivion. But Hans Selye, the pioneer of stress research, flips the script.

Stress itself isn’t the real problem. Our reaction to it is.

Think about it: stress is unavoidable. Deadlines, traffic, work or performance situations, difficult conversations, unexpected bills, world news – stress is woven into everyday life. If stress alone were fatal, humanity would’ve disappeared centuries ago! Yet people thrive, innovate, and grow under pressure all the time. The difference isn’t the absence of stress; it’s how we interpret and respond to it.

When stress shows up, the body does what it’s designed to do. Our heart rate increases, muscles tense and we experience extreme overthinking. This is the same response that helped our ancestors escape danger and make it through challenging times. In modern life, however, we often treat this natural reaction as a sign that something is wrong. We label stress as dangerous, overwhelming, or intolerable – and that interpretation pours fuel on the fire.

Our reaction is where the damage happens. When we resist stress, catastrophize it, or tell ourselves we “can’t handle this,” the nervous system stays stuck in high alert.

Stress producing cortisol lingers. Our sleep suffers. Our ability to make productive decisions narrows.

Over time, that chronic state of stress and anxiety- not the stressor itself – wears us down.

But there’s another option.

What if stress were viewed as information rather than a threat? A signal that something matters. A prompt to pause, prioritize, or prepare.

Studies show that when people interpret stress as helpful – energizing rather than harmful – their physical response changes. Blood vessels stay more relaxed. Recovery is faster. Performance improves. Anxiety is reduced.

Same stress. Different reaction.

This doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine or forcing positivity. It means choosing a more empowering frame.

Instead of “This is too much,” try “This is challenging, and I can meet it.” Instead of “I’m stressed,” try “I’m activated to do well because this matters.”

Language shapes perception, and perception shapes physiology.

We can’t always control what life throws at us. But we can influence how we meet it. A deep breath. A reframed thought. A moment of perspective. These small shifts change the entire experience of stress.

Selye’s insight is a reminder of personal power. Stress is part of being alive. Our reaction determines whether it becomes a silent killer – or a catalyst for strength, growth, and resilience.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. You can email me at nick@drnicklazaris.com.

The post It’s Not Stress That Can Kill You … first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

As we enter the New Year, what would happen to your business, your performance, or your life if you could shift your perspective in a way that led to powerful – maybe even amazing – results? (And no, this doesn’t require chanting or a dramatic retreat in the mountains… unless you’re into that.)

“Every picture tells a story, don’t it…”
~ Rod Stewart

I know an artist. Not just any artist – an amazing one. And yes, I’m biased… but she also happens to be my wife. She has an uncanny ability to see what works, what doesn’t, and what still needs “just one more little thing.”

I watch her in her studio take an idea and a blank canvas and, over time, turn it into something magical (VictorianNoel). After what feels like roughly a zillion hours of work, she finally shows me what I’m sure is the finished piece. I tell her, very confidently, “It’s ready. Let’s put it out into the world.”

That’s when she says, “It’s not finished yet. It needs a frame.”

Naturally, I offer to run to the art store and grab one quickly – because how hard could that be?

“No,” she says. “Picking the right frame makes all the difference in the world.”

And, once again, she is right. (She’s right a lot. I’ve learned to pace myself emotionally.)

The right frame can make the artwork look… fine. Or it can make it pop, come alive, and practically shout, Look at me!

The frame matters.

And not just in art. It matters in every area of life. How we frame what we see – and what we tell ourselves about what we see – can change everything.

In fact, an eight-year Harvard University study confirmed just how powerful framing really is. Researchers followed 30,000 people who reported having high levels of stress. That group had a 43% higher risk of dying prematurely.

Yikes.

But here’s the twist.

That increased risk only applied to people who believed their stress was bad for them. The people who didn’t buy into the story of “this stress is killing me” actually had the lowest risk of dying – even though they were just as stressed.

The conclusion? It’s not just stress itself that does the damage. It’s how we frame it. Or, as the study put it: Your mindset about stress may be the most important predictor of how it affects you.

In other words, it’s not just what happens to us – it’s the story we tell ourselves about what’s happening.

And this shows up everywhere: our health, our business, and our creative work.

Here are a few real-life examples from my coaching clients who simply changed the frame:

Situation: A manager at a professional services firm is asked to give more presentations to win new business.

• Frame #1: “I hate public speaking. I’m terrible at it. I’m going to look foolish.”
• Frame #2: “I’m choosing to build new skills and face my fears. I may never be a TED speaker, but I can get better.”

Situation: A writer feels stuck and hasn’t written in weeks.

• Frame #1: “Writing is so hard. Maybe I’m not cut out for this. Maybe my family was right and I should get a ‘real’ job.”
• Frame #2: “Today, I’m just going to write. It doesn’t have to be good. Writers write – and today, I’m writing.”

Situation: A woodwind player is preparing for a solo recital.

• Frame #1: “What if I freeze on stage like before? I can already see myself blowing it.”
• Frame #2: “A little anxiety can actually help me perform better. I’ll use my breathing and focus on giving the performance of my life.”

Situation: A person with social anxiety is feeling anxious about an upcoming social event at her church.

• Frame #1: “What if I am not interesting enough and I don’t know what to say? I can already see myself looking stupid.”
• Frame #2: “I am going to practice being present and in the moment. I can learn to breathe slowly if I feel stressed and quiet my critical inner voice.”

If you want to change the picture, change the frame.

The next time you feel stressed, discouraged, or unsure how things will turn out, pause for a moment and choose a new frame. You don’t have to deny reality – just stop telling yourself the scariest story possible!

Because the frame you choose really does make all the difference in the world.

So let me ask you: where could a new frame help right now? A relationship? A project? Or that running negative commentary in your head that could use a rewrite.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. You can email me at nick@drnicklazaris.com.

The post Change the Frame and Change Your Life! first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

If you cannot ‘see’ yourself performing well, or living life without anxiety and fear, then you have very little chance of actually doing that, especially under pressure.

In this video, I share a powerful performance enhancement skill that, when practiced and applied, allows you to rehearse, review and focus on optimal performance in any stressful situation.

Click here to watch the short, but powerful, video.

The post (Video) Overcome Fear Through the Power of Visualization first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.