As I mentioned in my previous post, one of the biggest struggles with anxiety – whether it shows up in public speaking, business, or everyday life – comes down to where your focus is.

A lot of the time, the goal becomes being liked, accepted, or approved of by others. And when that’s the goal, pressure is inevitable. You start overthinking, second-guessing yourself, and worrying about how you’re coming across.

Real change starts when you shift that focus inward. At the root of a lot of anxiety is low self-esteem – not feeling solid in who you are without needing validation from others. Once you see that clearly, you can begin to change it.

Here are three practical ways to move from awareness into real progress.

1) Give yourself credit – especially for small wins

Start paying attention to what you are doing, not just what you’re not.

For example, if speaking up makes you anxious and you volunteer to lead a meeting, it’s easy to dismiss it: “Yeah, but I was nervous the whole time.” Instead, try seeing it for what it is: “That was a big step. I showed up and did something uncomfortable.”

Most people overlook their progress. Small wins get brushed off with thoughts like “that doesn’t count” or “I should be further along by now.” Over time, that mindset builds the belief that nothing you do is ever enough.

But that’s just a habit – and it can be changed.

Start giving yourself permission to feel good about progress, even if it seems small. Progress is still progress. You’re not aiming for perfection; you’re aiming for growth.

2) When you mess up, ask: “What’s next?”

You’re going to make mistakes. That’s not the problem. The problem is how you respond to them.

A lot of people immediately turn on themselves: “I can’t believe I did that,” “I’m terrible at this,” “What’s wrong with me?” That kind of thinking doesn’t help – it just keeps you stuck and makes anxiety worse.

Instead, ask a better question: “What should I do next?”

That question shifts your focus from blame to action. It gets you out of your head and into problem-solving.

When you mess up, skip the self-criticism. Focus on what you can do differently next time. Keep it simple and forward-focused.

Also, start noticing how you talk to yourself during the day. A lot of negative self-talk is automatic. You’re not choosing it – it just shows up.

But once you notice it, you can interrupt it.

When you catch yourself being harsh, pause and say, “That’s not helpful.” Then replace it with something more balanced. You don’t need to be overly positive – just fair and constructive.

And if this feels difficult to do on your own, get support. A coach or therapist can help you see patterns you might not notice and guide you in changing them.

3) Start believing you’re worth it

This is the foundation of everything.

A lot of people with anxiety struggle to truly believe they matter. You might recognize your strengths on the surface, but underneath there’s still that feeling of “I’m not enough” or “If people really knew me, they wouldn’t think much of me.”

That belief shapes how you experience life.

When you don’t feel good about yourself, the world feels more intimidating. You hesitate, hold back, and question your place. But when you begin to value yourself, things start to open up. You feel more capable, more confident, and more willing to take risks.

Your relationships are affected too. It’s hard to connect fully when you don’t feel secure in yourself. So you might hide parts of who you are, put up a front, or try to control how others see you.

From the outside, you may seem fine. But inside, it can feel exhausting.

A lot of that comes from shame – the belief that something is wrong with you at your core. And shame is powerful. It keeps you stuck and makes change feel difficult.

The way out is learning to treat yourself with more patience and understanding. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen with consistent effort.

If this resonates with you, consider talking to someone. You don’t have to figure it all out alone.

In the meantime, start paying attention to your inner voice. When negative thoughts show up, question them instead of accepting them.

Remind yourself: “I’m done feeling like an imposter. I matter. I have value.”

It may feel small, but that shift is where everything starts.