I

n my coaching work, I meet so many driven, thoughtful people who are doing all the right things—they work hard, show up consistently, and genuinely want to grow.

They’re chasing goals, building careers, nurturing relationships… yet something still feels stuck. Progress is slow, motivation dips, and frustration creeps in.

When that happens, I usually pause and ask a few key questions that go straight to the heart of the issue:

• What are you tolerating in your life that’s keeping you from your goals?
• Are there people or situations draining your energy or blocking your joy?
• What “anchors” are weighing you down and stopping you from rising higher -personally or professionally?

These aren’t easy questions, but they’re powerful ones.

Because the truth is: we all put up with more than we realize.

We’ve Been Trained to Tolerate

Somewhere along the way, we learn to normalize discomfort.

We get used to saying “yes” when we want to say “no,” accept behavior that crosses our boundaries, and let guilt, fear, or fatigue call the shots.

We tolerate clutter – mental, emotional, and physical. We tolerate fear and anxiety.
We tolerate jobs that drain us.
We tolerate toxic relationships.
We even tolerate our own self-doubt and harsh inner voice.

And all of this comes at a cost.

The more we tolerate, the less energy, clarity, and confidence we have to go after what we truly want.

Step One: Start With Awareness

Before you can change anything, you have to see it.

So take a quiet moment and ask yourself this simple, powerful question:

“What am I putting up with right now?”

Think broadly and honestly. Your answers might include:

• People who constantly take but rarely give
• Anxiety that prevents you from achieving your career and personal goals
• Fear of judgment that keeps you playing small
• The way you speak to yourself when you mess up
• Saying “yes” to avoid conflict, even when it drains you

Write everything down. Don’t worry about fixing it yet – just notice it. Let your list grow. This is about shining light on what’s been operating in the background.

Step Two: Choose a Starting Point

Once you’ve got your list, pick one thing to focus on. Just one.

Ask yourself:
What small step can I take to stop tolerating this?

Let’s say you realize you have a habit of saying “yes” out of fear – fear of disappointing others, being judged, or stirring up conflict.

Your action steps might be:

• Practicing saying “no” in low-stakes situations
• Creating a short phrase like, “Let me check and get back to you,” to buy time
• Noticing where people-pleasing shows up and gently challenging it

The goal isn’t to become perfect—it’s to become aware, intentional, and slowly more assertive with your energy and choices.

Don’t Forget the Voice in Your Head

Sometimes the worst tolerations are the ones we’ve internalized.

Negative self-talk can be one of the most draining habits we carry:

• “I’m not good enough.”
• “I’ll never figure this out.”
• “Why even bother?”

If this sounds familiar, it’s time to rewrite the script.

You don’t need to suddenly become your biggest cheerleader – but can you be a little kinder? A little more forgiving? A little more on your own side?

Try swapping “I can’t do this” for “This feels hard right now, but I’m learning.”
That small shift in tone changes everything.

Start Clearing Space in Your Life

Your tolerations list might be long – and that’s perfectly okay.
What matters most is that you start.

As you begin taking small steps, you’ll notice something:
More energy. More peace. More momentum.

Each toleration you remove is like unclogging a drain—it frees up space for clarity, growth, and joy.

Try This Today

Here’s your mini action plan:

1. Make a list of everything you’re currently tolerating.
   Big or small. Internal or external.
2. Pick one item.
   Just one.
3. Write down one action step you can take to change it.
   Keep it doable. Keep it specific.
4. Commit to following through.
   Then, move to the next. And the next.

Final Thought: You Don’t Have to Tolerate What Drains You

If you’ve been living with a “That’s just the way I am” mindset, I invite you to try something different:

“I no longer tolerate what holds me back.”

You deserve more than just coping or surviving.
You deserve to thrive.

Start clearing the space. Start reclaiming your energy.
Your next level isn’t as far away as it feels—it’s just on the other side of what you stop tolerating.