Achieving consistent high performance is crucial for personal and professional success. An effective way to boost your performance is by creating a performance anchor – a set of habits and strategies that help you stay focused, motivated, and productive.

In this post, I share 8 steps to creating a performance, and life, anchor that can supercharge your success.

• Set gentle, clear goals
  Take a little time to define what truly matters to you. Clear and achievable goals give you direction, like a quiet compass guiding your efforts.
• Choose a few meaningful habits
  Focus on small, supportive habits that move you forward – things like quieting your mind, managing your time and caring for your body.
• Build a steady routine
  Create a daily rhythm that feels sustainable. Consistency, even in small steps, helps anchor your progress over time.
• Care for your well-being
  Make space for rest, nourishing food, and movement. When your body and mind feel supported, everything else becomes easier.
• Practice mindfulness
  Slow down when you can. A few moments of mindfulness or meditation can bring clarity, reduce stress, and help you stay present.

• Keep learning at your own pace
  Stay curious. Whether it’s reading, listening, or trying something new, learning keeps your mind engaged and growing.
• Use your time with intention
  Gently prioritize what matters most. Let go of unnecessary distractions and focus on what truly deserves your energy.
• Reflect, adjust, and celebrate
  Check in with yourself regularly. Notice what’s working, make small adjustments, and take time to appreciate your progress – every step counts.

A performance anchor doesn’t need to feel rigid or overwhelming. Think of it as a steady, supportive rhythm you return to – one that helps you move forward with clarity and calm.

Creating a performance anchor is a powerful way to achieve your goals and unlock your full performance potential. Remember that building a strong anchor takes time and dedication. It’s about cultivating the right habits and consistently applying them to your life.

Here are a few additional tips to keep in mind as you embark on this journey:

• Start Small: Don’t overwhelm yourself with too many changes at once. Begin with a few key habits and gradually expand from there.
• Track Your Progress: Keep a journal or use a performance tracking app to monitor your progress. This will help you stay motivated and identify areas for improvement.
• Stay Positive: Maintain a positive mindset. Challenges and setbacks are a natural part of the process, but a positive attitude will help you overcome them.
• Seek Support: Don’t be afraid to seek support from coaches, mentors or support groups. Surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals can provide valuable guidance and encouragement.

In conclusion, a well-crafted performance anchor can be a game-changer in your quest for success. By setting clear goals, developing positive habits, and prioritizing self-care, you can create a solid foundation for sustained high performance.

Remember that the journey is just as important as the destination, so embrace the process and stay committed to your anchor.

With time and effort, you’ll reap the rewards of your enhanced performance in all aspects of your life.

The post Enhance Your Performance (and Life) with a Solid Anchor first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

As I mentioned in my previous post, one of the biggest struggles with anxiety – whether it shows up in public speaking, business, or everyday life – comes down to where your focus is.

A lot of the time, the goal becomes being liked, accepted, or approved of by others. And when that’s the goal, pressure is inevitable. You start overthinking, second-guessing yourself, and worrying about how you’re coming across.

Real change starts when you shift that focus inward. At the root of a lot of anxiety is low self-esteem – not feeling solid in who you are without needing validation from others. Once you see that clearly, you can begin to change it.

Here are three practical ways to move from awareness into real progress.

1) Give yourself credit – especially for small wins

Start paying attention to what you are doing, not just what you’re not.

For example, if speaking up makes you anxious and you volunteer to lead a meeting, it’s easy to dismiss it: “Yeah, but I was nervous the whole time.” Instead, try seeing it for what it is: “That was a big step. I showed up and did something uncomfortable.”

Most people overlook their progress. Small wins get brushed off with thoughts like “that doesn’t count” or “I should be further along by now.” Over time, that mindset builds the belief that nothing you do is ever enough.

But that’s just a habit – and it can be changed.

Start giving yourself permission to feel good about progress, even if it seems small. Progress is still progress. You’re not aiming for perfection; you’re aiming for growth.

2) When you mess up, ask: “What’s next?”

You’re going to make mistakes. That’s not the problem. The problem is how you respond to them.

A lot of people immediately turn on themselves: “I can’t believe I did that,” “I’m terrible at this,” “What’s wrong with me?” That kind of thinking doesn’t help – it just keeps you stuck and makes anxiety worse.

Instead, ask a better question: “What should I do next?”

That question shifts your focus from blame to action. It gets you out of your head and into problem-solving.

When you mess up, skip the self-criticism. Focus on what you can do differently next time. Keep it simple and forward-focused.

Also, start noticing how you talk to yourself during the day. A lot of negative self-talk is automatic. You’re not choosing it – it just shows up.

But once you notice it, you can interrupt it.

When you catch yourself being harsh, pause and say, “That’s not helpful.” Then replace it with something more balanced. You don’t need to be overly positive – just fair and constructive.

And if this feels difficult to do on your own, get support. A coach or therapist can help you see patterns you might not notice and guide you in changing them.

3) Start believing you’re worth it

This is the foundation of everything.

A lot of people with anxiety struggle to truly believe they matter. You might recognize your strengths on the surface, but underneath there’s still that feeling of “I’m not enough” or “If people really knew me, they wouldn’t think much of me.”

That belief shapes how you experience life.

When you don’t feel good about yourself, the world feels more intimidating. You hesitate, hold back, and question your place. But when you begin to value yourself, things start to open up. You feel more capable, more confident, and more willing to take risks.

Your relationships are affected too. It’s hard to connect fully when you don’t feel secure in yourself. So you might hide parts of who you are, put up a front, or try to control how others see you.

From the outside, you may seem fine. But inside, it can feel exhausting.

A lot of that comes from shame – the belief that something is wrong with you at your core. And shame is powerful. It keeps you stuck and makes change feel difficult.

The way out is learning to treat yourself with more patience and understanding. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen with consistent effort.

If this resonates with you, consider talking to someone. You don’t have to figure it all out alone.

In the meantime, start paying attention to your inner voice. When negative thoughts show up, question them instead of accepting them.

Remind yourself: “I’m done feeling like an imposter. I matter. I have value.”

It may feel small, but that shift is where everything starts.

The post Is Low Self-Worth Holding You Back? (Part 2) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

When I first started speaking professionally, I remember people coming up to me after a talk and saying things like, “Dr. Lazaris, that was great – I really enjoyed it. What you shared is going to help me a lot.” And almost without thinking, I’d shrug it off and say, “Oh, it was nothing.”

But let’s be honest – that wasn’t true.

I had spent hours preparing. I cared about what I was doing, and I put real effort into doing it well. It wasn’t “nothing” at all. Looking back, I wish I had just paused, taken it in, and said something simple like, “Thank you, I really appreciate that. That means a lot.”

Maybe you can relate to that. Maybe you tend to downplay your strengths or brush off compliments. Maybe you put other people ahead of yourself so often that it feels strange – almost uncomfortable – to be recognized. You might even find yourself wondering how someone could truly like you, or care about you, or value what you bring.

And when someone does say something kind? It can be hard to accept. Hard to just say, “Thanks… yeah, I am actually pretty good at that.”

At the heart of all this is one big question: “Am I worth it?”

A lot of us spend our energy trying to be liked, accepted, or approved of by others before we’ve ever really learned to like ourselves. We chase validation outward instead of building it inward. But that approach rarely works for long.

The Bible says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” The second part of that matters more than we often realize. If you don’t have a basic sense of respect, kindness, and appreciation for yourself, it’s hard to truly extend that to others – or to believe them when they offer it to you.

When anxiety enters the picture, this gets even more tangled. Instead of building a solid sense of self-worth, the focus shifts to making sure other people like you. Your value starts to feel dependent on how you’re perceived, how you perform, or whether you measure up.

Author Pia Melody describes healthy self-esteem as an internal sense of your own worth – something steady that comes from within and carries into your relationships. In other words, it’s not something that rises and falls with every success or failure.

People with healthy self-esteem still have bad days. They still make mistakes, feel embarrassed, get rejected, or deal with criticism. But those moments don’t define them. Their sense of worth stays intact, even when life doesn’t go their way.

On the other hand, when self-esteem is low, your identity can get tied to things outside of you – what others think, how well you perform, whether you succeed, or even whether someone might be judging you behind your back.

The problem is, those external things are always shifting.

If your self-worth depends on whether someone approves of you, you’re setting yourself up for a constant emotional roller coaster. One person might think you’re doing great, while another might not – and suddenly you’re left questioning everything.

That’s why it’s so important to take a step back and get honest with yourself. Ask yourself a few simple questions:

• Do I believe people when they compliment me?
• Do I put myself down or call myself names when I mess up?
• Do I treat mistakes like proof that I’ve failed, instead of part of being human?
• Am I afraid to take risks because I might not succeed?
• Do I struggle to say no or set boundaries?
• Do I take criticism really hard, even when it’s small?

If you find yourself answering “yes” to a lot of these, it’s not a personal flaw – it’s a sign that your self-esteem might need some care and attention.

Here’s the truth: you are going to make mistakes. You’re going to have moments where things don’t go as planned. That’s part of being human, not evidence that something is wrong with you.

Learning to feel good about yourself – really good, not just when things are going well – is essential. It’s what allows you to step into your life, your work, and your creativity with confidence. It’s what helps you believe that you have value and that you deserve meaningful, fulfilling experiences.

If, deep down, you don’t feel like you’re enough, or you see the world as overwhelming and yourself as incapable, it’s easy to start holding back. You might feel like an imposter, avoid opportunities, and slowly shrink your world to stay “safe.”

But real change starts with awareness. When you begin to see that anxiety and fear of taking risks are often rooted in low self-esteem, you can start to shift things.

How, then, can you begin to turn this around, to begin to accept your value and worth? In my next article, I will share 3 powerful principles and steps that you can use to take this awareness and apply it to learning to accept and love yourself.

For now, just begin by noticing how you talk to yourself. Pay attention to that inner voice. And when it turns critical or dismissive, gently challenge it.

Remind yourself: “It’s time to stop acting like I don’t matter – and start showing up like I do.”

I’d love to hear your thoughts. You can email me at nick@drnicklazaris.com.

The post Is Low Self-Worth Holding You Back? (Part 1) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

Do social situations ever flip a switch in your brain – from “I’m fine” to “Everyone is judging me” in about three seconds? You’re not alone. Anxiety and self-doubt love to show up right when you’d rather feel calm, confident, and completely yourself.

The good news? Confidence isn’t about eliminating anxiety – it’s about not letting it run the show. With a few practical mind shifts and talking to yourself in a gentler way, you can show up feeling more grounded and self-assured around others.

Here are 8 realistic ways to project confidence in any social situation. Make an intentional decision to practice these tips, be patient with yourself, and watch how confidence starts to feel a lot more natural over time.

1. Question the Story in Your Head

Anxiety almost always starts with unhelpful self-talk. Commit to catching those inner negative thoughts as soon as you hear them, “I’m awkward, I’ll mess this up, What if I look or sound stupid…” and simply tell them to “STOP” – do not let these negative messages build a foundation for anxiety.

2. Breathe Like You Mean It

Slow, deep breathing tells your nervous system it’s safe to calm down. Inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth, and repeat. It’s simple, subtle, and surprisingly powerful.

3. Picture It Going Well

Before walking into a social situation, imagine yourself relaxed, engaged, and enjoying the moment. Visualization helps your brain practice success instead of panic. You are always visualizing – it’s a question of whether the mental picture is a positive or negative one!

4. Move the Spotlight Off of You

Get curious about other people. Confidence grows when your focus moves off of you. Ask questions. Listen. Be interested. When you focus on others, anxiety will begin to naturally fade into the background.

5. Let Your Body Show Confidence

Relax your shoulders. Stand tall. Make eye contact. Your body can lead even when your mind is catching up!

6. Lower the Pressure with Realistic Expectations

Not every conversation has to be meaningful or memorable. Some chats are just… chats. Give yourself permission to be average, human, and a wonderful work in progress.

7. Ditch Perfection

Awkward moments happen to everyone (and I mean everyone). Say the wrong thing? Forget a name? Smile, shrug it off, and keep going. Confidence grows when you stop trying to be flawless and embrace your imperfections.

8. Celebrate Small Wins

Confidence builds one moment at a time. Did you speak up?… Introduce yourself? … Stay a little longer than usual? That counts. Acknowledge it. Celebrating small victories reinforces positive behavior and motivates further growth and progress.

Confidence doesn’t mean never feeling anxious. It means showing up anyway, imperfect and real. Practice these 8 tips, be patient with yourself, and watch how confidence starts to feel a lot more natural.

Finally,if social anxiety feels overwhelming, getting help from a coach or therapist isn’t weakness – it’s strategy. Support can make the path forward much easier.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. You can email me at nick@drnicklazaris.com.

The post 8 Ways to Feel Confident in Social Situations (Without Losing Your Mind) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

In my coaching work, I have discovered that stress in general has a bad reputation. In fact, we talk about it like it’s our enemy – something to be eliminated, escaped, or managed into oblivion. But Hans Selye, the pioneer of stress research, flips the script.

Stress itself isn’t the real problem. Our reaction to it is.

Think about it: stress is unavoidable. Deadlines, traffic, work or performance situations, difficult conversations, unexpected bills, world news – stress is woven into everyday life. If stress alone were fatal, humanity would’ve disappeared centuries ago! Yet people thrive, innovate, and grow under pressure all the time. The difference isn’t the absence of stress; it’s how we interpret and respond to it.

When stress shows up, the body does what it’s designed to do. Our heart rate increases, muscles tense and we experience extreme overthinking. This is the same response that helped our ancestors escape danger and make it through challenging times. In modern life, however, we often treat this natural reaction as a sign that something is wrong. We label stress as dangerous, overwhelming, or intolerable – and that interpretation pours fuel on the fire.

Our reaction is where the damage happens. When we resist stress, catastrophize it, or tell ourselves we “can’t handle this,” the nervous system stays stuck in high alert.

Stress producing cortisol lingers. Our sleep suffers. Our ability to make productive decisions narrows.

Over time, that chronic state of stress and anxiety- not the stressor itself – wears us down.

But there’s another option.

What if stress were viewed as information rather than a threat? A signal that something matters. A prompt to pause, prioritize, or prepare.

Studies show that when people interpret stress as helpful – energizing rather than harmful – their physical response changes. Blood vessels stay more relaxed. Recovery is faster. Performance improves. Anxiety is reduced.

Same stress. Different reaction.

This doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine or forcing positivity. It means choosing a more empowering frame.

Instead of “This is too much,” try “This is challenging, and I can meet it.” Instead of “I’m stressed,” try “I’m activated to do well because this matters.”

Language shapes perception, and perception shapes physiology.

We can’t always control what life throws at us. But we can influence how we meet it. A deep breath. A reframed thought. A moment of perspective. These small shifts change the entire experience of stress.

Selye’s insight is a reminder of personal power. Stress is part of being alive. Our reaction determines whether it becomes a silent killer – or a catalyst for strength, growth, and resilience.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. You can email me at nick@drnicklazaris.com.

The post It’s Not Stress That Can Kill You … first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

As we enter the New Year, what would happen to your business, your performance, or your life if you could shift your perspective in a way that led to powerful – maybe even amazing – results? (And no, this doesn’t require chanting or a dramatic retreat in the mountains… unless you’re into that.)

“Every picture tells a story, don’t it…”
~ Rod Stewart

I know an artist. Not just any artist – an amazing one. And yes, I’m biased… but she also happens to be my wife. She has an uncanny ability to see what works, what doesn’t, and what still needs “just one more little thing.”

I watch her in her studio take an idea and a blank canvas and, over time, turn it into something magical (VictorianNoel). After what feels like roughly a zillion hours of work, she finally shows me what I’m sure is the finished piece. I tell her, very confidently, “It’s ready. Let’s put it out into the world.”

That’s when she says, “It’s not finished yet. It needs a frame.”

Naturally, I offer to run to the art store and grab one quickly – because how hard could that be?

“No,” she says. “Picking the right frame makes all the difference in the world.”

And, once again, she is right. (She’s right a lot. I’ve learned to pace myself emotionally.)

The right frame can make the artwork look… fine. Or it can make it pop, come alive, and practically shout, Look at me!

The frame matters.

And not just in art. It matters in every area of life. How we frame what we see – and what we tell ourselves about what we see – can change everything.

In fact, an eight-year Harvard University study confirmed just how powerful framing really is. Researchers followed 30,000 people who reported having high levels of stress. That group had a 43% higher risk of dying prematurely.

Yikes.

But here’s the twist.

That increased risk only applied to people who believed their stress was bad for them. The people who didn’t buy into the story of “this stress is killing me” actually had the lowest risk of dying – even though they were just as stressed.

The conclusion? It’s not just stress itself that does the damage. It’s how we frame it. Or, as the study put it: Your mindset about stress may be the most important predictor of how it affects you.

In other words, it’s not just what happens to us – it’s the story we tell ourselves about what’s happening.

And this shows up everywhere: our health, our business, and our creative work.

Here are a few real-life examples from my coaching clients who simply changed the frame:

Situation: A manager at a professional services firm is asked to give more presentations to win new business.

• Frame #1: “I hate public speaking. I’m terrible at it. I’m going to look foolish.”
• Frame #2: “I’m choosing to build new skills and face my fears. I may never be a TED speaker, but I can get better.”

Situation: A writer feels stuck and hasn’t written in weeks.

• Frame #1: “Writing is so hard. Maybe I’m not cut out for this. Maybe my family was right and I should get a ‘real’ job.”
• Frame #2: “Today, I’m just going to write. It doesn’t have to be good. Writers write – and today, I’m writing.”

Situation: A woodwind player is preparing for a solo recital.

• Frame #1: “What if I freeze on stage like before? I can already see myself blowing it.”
• Frame #2: “A little anxiety can actually help me perform better. I’ll use my breathing and focus on giving the performance of my life.”

Situation: A person with social anxiety is feeling anxious about an upcoming social event at her church.

• Frame #1: “What if I am not interesting enough and I don’t know what to say? I can already see myself looking stupid.”
• Frame #2: “I am going to practice being present and in the moment. I can learn to breathe slowly if I feel stressed and quiet my critical inner voice.”

If you want to change the picture, change the frame.

The next time you feel stressed, discouraged, or unsure how things will turn out, pause for a moment and choose a new frame. You don’t have to deny reality – just stop telling yourself the scariest story possible!

Because the frame you choose really does make all the difference in the world.

So let me ask you: where could a new frame help right now? A relationship? A project? Or that running negative commentary in your head that could use a rewrite.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. You can email me at nick@drnicklazaris.com.

The post Change the Frame and Change Your Life! first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

If you cannot ‘see’ yourself performing well, or living life without anxiety and fear, then you have very little chance of actually doing that, especially under pressure.

In this video, I share a powerful performance enhancement skill that, when practiced and applied, allows you to rehearse, review and focus on optimal performance in any stressful situation.

Click here to watch the short, but powerful, video.

The post (Video) Overcome Fear Through the Power of Visualization first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

Here is a quote that says it all if your desire is to move past your fears and achieve your dreams and goals:

“It is important that you get clear for yourself that your only access to impacting life is action. The world does not care what you intend, how committed you are, how you feel or what you think, and certainly it has no interest in what you want and don’t want. Take a look at life as it is lived and see for yourself that the world only moves for you when you act.” ~ Werner Erhard

Pretty straightforward, right? We can plan, dream, and make vision boards all day long – but nothing changes until we actually do something. Action is the bridge between where you are now and where you want to be. Without it, even the best intentions stay stuck in your head.

So how do you start moving from your desires and good ideas to real progress? Here are four practical steps:

1. Start Small – Really Small

Big goals are exciting, but they can also feel overwhelming. That’s why the trick is to shrink them down into tiny, doable steps (Remember the movie ‘What About Bob?’ – “Baby steps…baby steps…”) . Want to write a book? Forget about the 300 pages – just write one paragraph today. Want to overcome your fear of public speaking – begin a daily practice of deep, focused breathing to calm your anxiety. Want to get healthier? Lace up your sneakers and take a quick walk around the block. Don’t wait for the “perfect plan” – just start where you are.

2. Let Consistency Create Momentum & Power

One action on its own won’t change your life, but repeated actions will. The secret is showing up over and over again, even when you don’t feel like it. Think of it like brushing your teeth – it’s the regular, steady effort that makes the difference, not one big heroic burst. Small steps, stacked up, turn into big wins.

3. Focus on the Doing, Not the Result

It’s easy to get caught up worrying about whether your efforts will “pay off.” The truth? You can’t control the outcome – you can only control what you do today. Instead of asking “Will this work?”, try asking “What’s my next step?” That simple shift keeps you moving forward without the pressure of having it all figured out.

4. Don’t Wait to Feel Ready

The Truth: Nobody ever feels 100% ready. Waiting until you feel confident is just another way of stalling. Confidence comes from action, not the other way around. In the past I was always getting ready to get ready – it wasn’t until I decided to start messy, start nervous, start unsure – but start. Every step forward gives you clarity you can’t get by standing still.

At the end of the day, the world doesn’t move for your wishes, your feelings, or your plans – it moves when you do. Your dreams matter, but they only come alive when you back them up with action.

So instead of asking “Am I ready?” or “Will this work?”, try asking:

“What’s the next small thing I can do right now?”

Because life only shifts when you take that step.

If performance anxiety, fear of public speaking, or anxiety in ANY pressure situation creates stress (and even panic!) then here is a powerful resource you will want to check out and take advantage of. If you are ready to challenge your anxiety and begin to overcome your limiting beliefs, then let’s schedule a Free Coaching Call to explore how I might assist you.

Simply click here to learn more about this powerful opportunity.

The post Life Only Moves When You Act: 4 Steps to Turn Wishes Into Achievement first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

Sometimes, life moves fast – faster than we can keep up. Whether it’s preparing for a big presentation, stepping into a high-pressure performance, or simply feeling overwhelmed by a long to-do list, anxiety has a way of pulling us out of the moment.

In those times, staying present can feel like a challenge. Our minds race ahead in anxious anticipation or through past worries or fears. That’s where a simple technique comes in. It’s called the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, and it’s one of the most grounded ways to bring yourself back into the present moment.

I think of it as mindful distraction. You’re not ignoring what’s happening – you’re gently redirecting your focus to what’s real, right now.

Here’s how it works:

Start with a Breath

Before anything else, pause and take one slow, intentional focused breath. Inhale deeply through your nose… exhale through your mouth. Let your shoulders soften. As I share with my coaching clients, this type of breath is always your entry point to the present.

5 – Notice Five Things You Can See

Take a slow look around. Name five things you can see in your environment. It could be the light filtering through the window, the curve of your coffee mug, a photo on the wall, or the pattern in the rug. Let your eyes settle on each one for just a moment.

4 – Notice Four Things You Can Feel

Now, shift your attention to touch. What’s making contact with your body? The texture of your clothes, the chair beneath you, your hands resting on your lap. Choose four sensations and quietly notice how each one feels.

3 – Notice Three Things You Can Hear

Close your eyes and just listen. What sounds are present right now? Maybe it’s the hum of the fridge, a distant voice, or the wind outside. Pick three and sit with them for a moment.

2 – Notice Two Things You Can Smell

Take a slow inhale. What scents do you notice? It could be the smell of your coffee, a scented candle, fresh air, or simply the familiar scent of your space. If nothing stands out, that’s okay – just note the absence of strong smells.

1 – Notice One Thing You Can Taste

Is there a taste lingering in your mouth? A sip of tea, mint, or maybe lunch from earlier? If not, take a small sip of water or a bite of something. Just notice.

Come Back with a Breath

Once you’ve moved through all five senses, take one more deep breath. Let it ground you. You’re back in your body, back in the moment.

This simple practice isn’t about escaping what’s going on – it’s about anchoring yourself in the now, where you have the most power and clarity. It’s like a quick reset button for your nervous system.

So, the next time you feel stress creeping in, whether you’re about to step on stage, speak in front of a crowd, or just trying to get through a tough day, try this mindful simple, but powerful, distraction.

The post When Your Mind Races: A Simple Practice to Return to the Present first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

“When we argue for our limitations, we get to keep them.” – Evelyn Waugh

If you’re dreaming big – whether as a creative, performer, entrepreneur, or anyone with a bold vision – then you already know this truth: your words shape your world.

In Part 1, I shared how certain words can quietly kill our creativity, confidence, and joy. Not just the words others say to us – but the words we say to ourselves.

And if you’ve ever wondered why a goal feels out of reach or why you stall just before momentum kicks in, chances are, it’s not your talent or ability holding you back. It’s your inner voice.

Here are six more dream-killing words and phrases to watch for. Each one may sound subtle – even reasonable – but together, they can quietly derail your goals and delay the life you’re meant to live.

Let’s rewrite the story.

6. “It’s hard”

Let’s be honest: dreams can be hard. But “hard” doesn’t mean “impossible.” When we label something as too difficult, we start shrinking our goals down to something safer, smaller, more manageable – and far less exciting.

You weren’t born to settle. Instead of saying, “It’s hard,” try:
“This will grow me.”
“I’m willing to figure it out.”

That’s how every breakthrough begins.

7. “Yes, but…”

This phrase pretends to be supportive, then pulls the rug out from under your progress.
“I’d love to launch my business, but I don’t have the time.”
“I really want to perform again, but I’m rusty.”

Every “yes, but…” is a dream shrinker. Replace it with:
“Yes, and…”
“I’m figuring out how.”

8. “I should…”

“I should write more.”
“I should be farther along.”
“I should be better at this by now.”

Nothing drains motivation faster than the guilt of “should.” These words rarely inspire – they shame. And shame never builds dreams; it buries them.

Instead of “I should,” say:
“I choose to…”
“I want to…”
“I’m learning to…”

Shift the energy. Take ownership. Reclaim your power.

9. “Tomorrow…”

“Tomorrow I’ll start.”
“Tomorrow I’ll commit.”
“Tomorrow I’ll take the leap.”

Sound familiar? The danger of “tomorrow” is that it always feels like a safe bet – until one day, you realize you’ve run out of tomorrows.

Research shows one of the top regrets of the dying is not going for what they truly wanted – because they were waiting for the perfect time.

The perfect time doesn’t exist. Start now. Start small. Start messy. But start today.

10. “If only…”

“If only I had started earlier…”
“If only I had more support…”
“If only I were younger, richer, more confident…”

These words trap you in the past, keeping you stuck in regret instead of possibility. Reflection is useful – but only if it moves you forward.

Try this instead:
“What can I do now?”
“What’s still possible?”

Because something amazing might still be waiting for you.

11. “Survive”

We’ve all said it:
“I’m just trying to survive this week.”
“I’m surviving, just getting by.”

But you weren’t born just to survive. You were born to create, lead, and live fully. If your focus is survival, your energy stays in survival mode. If your focus is growth, opportunity, and creativity, your life rises to meet it.

As the old disco song says, “You were born – born to be ALIVE!”

Let’s stop playing it safe and start living on purpose.

Final Thought: Take Your Words Back

Your words are not just expressions – they’re instructions to your brain. They either reinforce your limitations or ignite your potential.

So today, start listening to what you’re telling yourself. Are your words building your dreams or burying them?

Swap the “killer words” for life-giving ones. Let your language reflect your courage, not your fear. Speak in a way that energizes action and fuels belief. Because when you change your words, you change your direction.

You’re not here to survive your goals.
You’re here to achieve them.
You’re here to live them.
Because you were born – born to be alive.

What’s one dream-killing word or phrase you’re ready to let go of today? And what empowering words will you replace it with? Share it. Say it. Begin to Live it.

The post The Words That Kill Dreams – and What to Do About Them (Part 2) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.