Here is a quick video I made for you (while sitting in a parking lot!) about a critical choice that is essential to moving your life forward and beyond fear. I know that you will identity with the message. Click Here to watch!

The post The Choice That Changes Everything (Video) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

Stress is part of life.

Unfortunately, there is no app, supplement, or secret handshake that completely eliminates it. If there were, we’d all own it.

While stress isn’t optional, how you respond to it – and how quickly you bounce back – is entirely up to you.

A commitment to balance, including regular self-renewal, is essential if you want to be successful in your work, relationships, and personal life. Self-renewal isn’t selfish. It’s maintenance.

Think of it this way: You wouldn’t expect your car to run forever without gas, oil changes, or an occasional wash. Yet many people expect themselves to operate at full speed indefinitely while surviving on coffee, deadlines, and the vague hope that next month will somehow be less busy.

That’s not a strategy. That’s a countdown. As author Patti Bond wisely said:

“If the snooze button on your alarm is getting as worn out as you are, wake up. You may be burning out.”

Here are three ways to renew yourself before burnout decides to make the decision for you.

1. Slow It Down

Our culture isn’t exactly cheering us on to slow down. Everything is faster: fast food, instant streaming, overnight shipping, and text messages that somehow require an answer within thirty seconds.

We’ve become so efficient at speeding up that many of us have forgotten how to slow down.

Ask yourself:

• Am I feeling stressed or overwhelmed?
• Am I constantly rushing?
• Do I need some intentional time alone to recharge?

As Pablo Picasso said:

“Without great solitude, no serious work is possible.”

Slowing down doesn’t require a week-long retreat in the mountains. Start small:

• Wake up a few minutes earlier and enjoy the quiet.
• Take a walk without your phone acting as your personal news station.
• Sit in silence for a few minutes and simply breathe.

Turn off the television. Close your laptop. Step away from social media. Spend some time alone with your thoughts.

At first, it may feel strange. You may discover you have an inner voice.

You may also discover that your inner voice sounds suspiciously like your mother. That’s okay too.

The goal is to reconnect with the part of yourself that gets drowned out by busyness and noise.

2. Take Time Off

This sounds obvious. Yet many people take vacations and bring their stress with them like an overpacked suitcase.

A true break means taking a break. Whether it’s a vacation, a half-day away, or fifteen minutes of focused breathing, make it real.

No email. No work calls. No secretly planning your next big project while pretending to relax.

Decide ahead of time what you need.

Maybe it’s quiet time alone. Maybe it’s an exciting adventure. Maybe it’s sitting on the porch doing absolutely nothing and feeling oddly guilty about it for the first ten minutes.

Whatever renews you, make space for it.

Rest is not laziness. It’s preparation for your next season of growth.

3. Stop Postponing Joy

Many people become so serious about succeeding that they forget to enjoy their lives.

Work becomes everything. Schedules become sacred. Fun gets postponed until some magical future date when life is finally under control.

Spoiler alert: Life rarely sends that memo.

The more stressed and serious we become, the less creative, spontaneous, and joyful we are.

Ask yourself:

• When was the last time you laughed really hard?
• When was the last time you played?
• When was the last time you did something simply because it brought you joy?

As W.H. Auden wrote:

“In times of joy, all of us wish we possessed a tail we could wag.”

There is something wonderfully renewing about being childlike – not childish, but curious, playful, creative, and willing to take risks.

Give yourself permission to play. Be outrageously creative. Approach your next project with wonder instead of worry.

Stress may always be part of life, but burnout doesn’t have to be.

Slow down … Take time off … Choose joy.

And remember: the goal isn’t to become a machine that never needs rest.

The goal is to become a person who lives fully, works passionately, and occasionally laughs at themselves along the way.

Question: Which of these three steps would make the biggest difference in your life right now?

The post Running on Empty? 3 Steps to Beat Burnout​ first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

“Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out.” ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

• Do you dream of presenting or performing without fear but get stuck in “What if” thinking?
• Do you hold back from taking bold steps because of what others might think?
• Do you find yourself always preparing but never fully stepping out?

If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, you’re not alone. So many speakers and performers—public speakers, actors, dancers, singers, comedians—struggle with the fear of looking foolish, making mistakes, or being judged. I’ve been there myself.

Let me tell you a story.

The Night I Learned to Dance

It was during my Doctoral Internship at a hospital in Georgia when a group of nurses and interns invited me out for the evening. After a long, draining day, I thought, Why not? A little dinner and laughter sounded like just what I needed.

But when we pulled up to one of the hottest dance clubs in the city, panic set in. You see, I had never danced before. Sure, I’d done a little Greek dancing at family weddings, but a packed nightclub with pulsating disco music? No way.

My overthinking had always “protected” me from looking ridiculous on a dance floor.

There was no escape. No car to leave in. No way out.

And then it happened. One of my friends pulled me from my chair, dragged me to the dance floor, and said, “It’s time to dance.”

I froze. Absolutely paralyzed. My mind raced with worry about how I’d look and what others would think. Then someone in the crowd shouted, “Go for it, Nick! Show us what you’ve got!”

In a moment of desperation, I closed my eyes.

And something shifted.

With my eyes shut, I let go of the fear of being judged. I started moving. When I opened my eyes, I froze again. But with my eyes shut, I felt free. I started to think, Who cares what they think? So what? Just dance!

Eventually, my eyes stayed open, and I kept moving. Was I a great dancer? Not even close. But I was dancing.

When I returned home from my Internship several months later, I invited friends out to dance. They were shocked. “What happened to you?” they asked.

I told them: I closed my eyes and decided it was time to dance.

What’s Keeping You from Taking the Stage?

What fears are holding you back? Are you worried about forgetting your lines, freezing as you present yourself, missing a note, or fumbling a routine? Are you afraid someone might laugh or critique you?

Here’s the truth: every performer faces this crossroads. You can either stay seated in fear or get up and dance.

When you stop worrying about how others see you, you step into the freedom of your art. And the world needs what only you can bring.

Close Your Eyes. Step Into the Spotlight.

It’s time to stop waiting. Stop second-guessing. Stop letting fear dim your light.

Question: In what ways are you holding yourself back from fully stepping into your performance? How has that held you back from achieving what truly matters?

Now, close your eyes and take the stage. It’s time to dance.

If fear, anxiety, or stress have held you back from achieving the things that matter to you, then check out my community, the Fearless for Life Academy, by clicking here.

The post Step Into the Spotlight – It’s Time to Dance! first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

High school reunions can definitely bring up a mix of emotions, from excitement to anxiety. As I shared in my last post, the fear of attending a school reunion often stems from a combination of social, emotional, and personal factors, but it’s important to remember that these concerns are normal and experienced by many individuals.

Here are ten tips to help manage any anxiety you might be feeling:

1. Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that everyone is in the same boat. People change, and high school was a long time ago. Don’t expect everything to be exactly as it was.
2. Focus on the Positive: Instead of dwelling on potential awkwardness or negative memories, think about the positive aspects of reconnecting with old friends and acquaintances.
3. Prepare Conversation Starters: Think of some topics or questions ahead of time to break the ice and keep the conversation flowing.
4. Remember That Everyone Has Moved On: Just like you, your classmates have likely grown and changed since high school. Any judgments or insecurities you feel are probably in your head.
5. Take Breaks When Needed: If you start feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break. Step outside for some fresh air or find a quiet corner to collect your thoughts.
6. Practice Focused Breathing: Days, or weeks, before your reunion, practice taking slow,deep focused breaths in order to slow down your anxiety during the reunion. Whenever you feel afraid and anxious, simply day a couple of deep breaths to calm yourself.
7. Practice Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel anxious. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a friend in the same situation.
8. Focus on the Present: Try to stay present in the moment rather than getting caught up in worrying about the past or the future.
9. Set Boundaries: If there are certain people or topics that make you uncomfortable, it’s okay to politely steer the conversation elsewhere or excuse yourself from the conversation.
10. Have an Exit Strategy: If you find yourself feeling extremely overwhelmed, it’s okay to leave early. Have a plan in place so you can make a graceful exit if necessary.

Remember, high school reunions are meant to be fun and nostalgic experiences. Try to relax, enjoy yourself, and celebrate how far you’ve come since those high school days.

Thanks again for your support, and wishing you all the best!

Dr. Nick

P.S. If you are ready to challenge anxiety and stress and begin to live and perform on a new and more positive level, then let’s schedule a Free Conversation by Zoom to explore how I might assist you. This is a no-charge opportunity for you to learn more about how it IS possible to manage and overcome anxiety and panic.

The post Managing School Reunion Anxiety (Part 2) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

Do social situations sometimes create anxiety and self-doubt, making it challenging for you to project confidence when feeling stressed?

If so, by implementing specific strategies and adopting a positive mindset, you can start the journey to overcome fear and project confidence in any social setting.

Here are ten practical tips to help you project self-confidence when feeling anxious in a social situation.

• Challenge Negative Thoughts: As I have shared previously, anxiety most often arises from negative self-talk and distorted ways of thinking. Start by recognizing and challenging these negative thoughts. Replace them with positive affirmations and realistic perspectives. Remind yourself of your strengths and capabilities, boosting your confidence from within.
• Practice Deep Breathing: Deep breathing is a powerful technique to manage anxiety in social situations. Take slow, deep breaths in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. This simple practice helps calm your nervous system, reducing anxiety and allowing you to project confidence.
• Visualize Success: Visualization is a technique used by athletes and performers to enhance performance and confidence. Before a social event, take a few moments to visualize yourself confidently engaging in conversations, speaking with ease, and enjoying yourself. This mental rehearsal prepares your mind for success, reducing anxiety and boosting confidence.

• Focus on Others: Redirecting your attention away from yourself and onto others can alleviate social anxiety. Shift your focus to actively listening and showing genuine interest in others. By asking questions and engaging in conversations, you shift the spotlight away from yourself and create a more positive and confident impression.
• Use Positive Body Language: Your body language plays a significant role in projecting confidence. Stand tall, with an open posture, and maintain eye contact. Avoid crossing your arms or fidgeting, as these actions convey anxiety. Adopting confident body language signals to others that you are comfortable and self-assured.
• Set Realistic Expectations: Setting realistic expectations for social situations can help towards alleviating anxiety. Understand that not every interaction needs to be perfect or profound. Accept that some conversations may be more challenging than others, and that’s okay. By releasing the pressure to perform flawlessly, you can approach social situations with greater ease and confidence
• Embrace Imperfections: Perfectionism fuels anxiety and hinders confidence. Embrace imperfections and accept that making mistakes or experiencing awkward moments is a natural part of social interactions. Allow yourself to be imperfect, and learn to laugh off any mishaps. Embracing imperfections allows you to relax, be authentic, and project confidence.
• Practice Active Listening: Engaging in active listening not only helps you build meaningful connections but also reduces anxiety. When you actively listen, you focus on the speaker’s words and emotions, rather than worrying about yourself. Practice active listening by giving your full attention, nodding, and providing thoughtful responses. This projects a confident and engaged presence.
• Celebrate Small Victories: Acknowledge and celebrate your social victories, no matter how small they may seem. Did you initiate a conversation with someone new? Did you speak up during a group discussion? Recognize and appreciate these accomplishments, as they contribute to your overall growth and confidence. Celebrating small victories reinforces positive behavior and motivates further progress.
• Seek Outside Support: If social anxiety significantly affects your ability to project confidence, seeking professional support can be beneficial. Coaches and therapists can provide guidance and techniques specifically tailored to your needs. They can help you develop coping strategies, challenge negative thought patterns, and overcome anxiety, enabling you to confidently navigate social situations.

By intentionally implementing these ten tips, you can begin to project confidence without anxiety in any social situation. Remember to challenge negative thoughts, practice deep breathing, and visualize success. Shift your focus to others, use positive body language, and set realistic expectations. Embrace imperfections, practice active listening, and celebrate your victories. If needed, seek professional support to further enhance your confidence.

With these strategies, you can overcome social anxiety and exude genuine confidence in stressful social interactions.

I’m excited to share that my new Fearless Speaker Road Map and my most recent Masterclass “Fight Performance Anxiety and Win” were recently added in the Fearless Performer Academy membership. To learn more about everything the Academy has to offer in order for you to overcome your performance anxiety click here.

The post 10 Tips to Confidence Without Anxiety in Any Social Situation first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

Today I would like to share some great news with you.

You are guilty.

(Not quite what you were expecting to hear, was it?)

Yes, believe it or not, accepting that we are guilty is powerful and can be the beginning of growth and change.

Determining if we are truly guilty of something can be the initial step towards resolving our offense and moving forward. Whether we have hurt someone we love, procrastinated working on our next important project or made excuses to ourselves about what we are capable of, we are guilty.

But … being guilty of something does not mean that we need to feel shame. Whereas guilt says that I have broken a law, or have done something that hurts either myself or another, shame goes deeper – much, much deeper.

In fact, the difference can be summed up in the following:

Guilt says, “I made a mistake.”
Shame says, “I AM a mistake.”

Wow, the implications between “I made” and “I am” are HUGE!

Destructive feelings of shame focus on past failures, feelings of wrongdoing, deserving punishment or that I am no good.

Constructive guilt focuses on the person I have hurt, the mistake I have made and the possibility of FUTURE CHANGE.

Yes, shame holds us hostage to a focus on the past, on ME instead of the future and what I can do differently next time. It keeps us from learning when we mess up or from being a part of healing an injured relationship.

“Shame is a soul eating emotion.”
~ C.G. Jung

Shame focuses on how bad I am while true constructive guilt focuses on the other person and what next step I must take.

In a strange way, shame is actually selfish. It’s about me and rarely leads to any meaningful change. It is kind of like confessing a sin, feeling better afterwards and then continuing to repeat the behavior.

Shame does not lead to change, only a beating up of one’s self.

Only a true acknowledgment of guilt leads to the possibility of becoming a new person.
So, the question becomes what do I do to keep from beating myself up with shame when I blow it?

Here are 3 things needed to identify and overcome destructive feelings of shame:

1) Determine If You Are Wrong

This sounds so basic, yet it is so easy to assume that we did something wrong. If we have low self esteem, we might assume that if a relationship is going poorly, then it must be my fault. Or, if I fail to follow through on a project I am working on, then it must mean that I am lazy – I am “guilty” of being a failure.

Ask yourself, am I really wrong. Did I actually blow it or am I assigning all the blame to myself when there might be many other variables involved in things not going well. It’s possible that the guilt that you feel is based on numerous ‘shoulds’ that you grew up with.

“When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.”  ~ Woody Allen

Maybe you’re not a lazy person, but rather afraid of rejection if you complete your project and put it out for the world to see. There is absolutely NO room here to feel shameful. Ironically, feelings of shame will lead to a greater possibility of not finishing … leading to more shameful feelings until you give up completely.

2) Discover Where You Are Wrong

Yes, there are times that we blow it (for myself, there are many times!). The key principle is that once we become aware that we are actually guilty, then we can use this awareness to discover exactly where we went wrong.

For example, maybe you were hurt by something said to you, leading to defensiveness and then saying something hurtful back. Take time to discover your part, knowing this kind of honesty can set you free to change.

3) Decide What You Need to DO About It

In the example above, you might feel a ‘right’ to be defensive, yet need to take responsibility that you hurt the other person and apologize to them. You are guilty and can help repair the injury by taking action. Again, there is no room for shame, but rather to take charge and do something about it.

Maybe you are feeling terrible about yourself for putting off something you made a commitment to finish. Acknowledge you have blown it and then decide to take charge and get back on track without any further negative self-talk.

 Make a commitment today to acknowledge when you are guilty, take steps to learn and heal and stop shaming yourself when you blow it. And remember that you are never, ever a mistake!

The post Cancel Your Guilt Trip and Demand a Full Refund (Encore Post) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

Maybe you were going to speak in front of a large group, go to a possible career-changing interview, play in an important golf tournament, ask someone on a date or audition for a part in a theater production.

As you began to see it going poorly you became more and more anxious.

The ability to perform at our absolute best, when it really matters, is often a result of how we anticipate and ‘visualize’ the situation.

One of my mentors, Dr. Don Greene, has said,

“Prior to performing, what you ‘see’ in your mind, whether its weeks or just days before, will tend to become who you are in that situation.”

I have found that Visualization is a performance enhancement skill that is very powerful when it is practiced and applied. It is a skill that allows you, as a performer, to rehearse, review and focus on optimal performance.

Ironically, many performers use imagery in a negative way, that is, they ‘picture’ themselves performing poorly and subsequently express this negative rehearsal through an anxiety-filled performance.

Visualization is one of the most effective techniques for you to use in preparing for optimal performance. If you cannot imagine performing well then you have very little chance of actually doing that, especially during a pressure situation.

Enhancing your performance includes practicing the technique of Visualization to achieve your best. I will use the fear of public speaking (which creates anxiety for most people!) as an example to describe the 6 key steps to practice:

1) Start with a clear intention. What is it that you intend to achieve in your performance? For example, is your intention to give your speech in a relaxed way, feeling in complete control of yourself?

2) Center yourself physically and mentally. Take a slow, deep focused breath to slow down any anxiety or stress during your mental rehearsal.

3) Imagine what your intention would look like. Try to see, feel, and hear yourself doing well as you give a powerful and effective presentation. Break up your mental rehearsal performance into segments, i.e. see yourself preparing to give you presentation, then picture the next segment as you are being introduced, then as you walk up to present, etc. Picture each of these segments as clearly as possible.

4) Use all of your senses. Picture yourself walking up to speak, feel your hands on the podium, hear yourself as your words come out smoothly and effortlessly, listen to the audience applauding your speech, feel how great it feels to walk off knowing you did a great job!

5) Correct your mistakes. You will discover that even during Visualization you will find yourself picturing making a mistake or becoming afraid. So you need to stop the tape and rewind! Yes, go back in your rehearsal to the spot where you ‘messed ‘up’ and continue from there with a picture of you doing well. Correct your mistake until you can clearly see yourself doing well.

6) Be creative and have fun! Visualization is a very powerful technique that can be used in any performance situation. Expand using this technique in new situations until you become better and better at it.

Practice Visualization and make it a valuable skill in you performance enhancement ‘toolbox’.

Your real-life performance will continue to improve the more that you can ‘experience’ (see, hear and feel) the performance in your Visualization. Have fun practicing this powerful skill!

The post The Power of Visualization for Performance Success first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

Are you tired of getting anxious every time you need to make a presentation? Do you wonder if you will ever get over stage fright? Do you avoid opportunities to speak that might create business opportunities or that could lead to career advancement? Is this you?

Do you hesitate to present a webinar or virtual meeting or workshop? Does it feel like it’s time to overcome the stress and fear that you feel as a presenter? If so, then the Fearless Speaker Group Coaching Program is for you. The KEY Question I have is,

“What would your career, business and life look like if you were not afraid of public speaking?”

I am excited to announce my next online Group Coaching Program, The Fearless Speaker, is now open for registration. Click Here to learn more about this powerful opportunity.

We’ll meet for 7 weeks and will have weekly Zoom calls and lessons, personal coaching from myself on each call, group support, and lots of learning. You’ll learn – and I mean, really learn:

~ The Mindset Necessary to Overcome Your Fear ~ The Stress Model of Stage Fright ~ The Key Factors to Change Your Anxious Thoughts ~ The Incredible POWER of Mental Rehearsal ~ Using Focused Breathing to Stay Present as a Speaker ~ A Powerful Tool to Relax Your Body ~ To Center Yourself in only Minutes Prior to Speaking

Since this will be the last Group I will be offering in 2020, and will include a 1-1 personal coaching session with me, I wanted to make sure that you do not miss the opportunity to be coached directly by me in a small group setting.

As a result of technology, and so crucial in this challenging time we are going through, you will be able to take part in this 7-week Program completely online from your home, business or from anywhere in the world!

If you, or anyone that you know, would benefit from overcoming their speaking anxiety, please do not hesitate to click the Image above or Click Here to learn more about this powerful opportunity.

If you have ANY questions regarding the Program and to see if is a good fit for you, contact me directly at nick@drnicklazaris.com and I will get back to you to answer any concerns that you might have.

The post The Fearless Speaker Group Coaching Program first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.