As I have been busy working on my newest course, The 8 Principles of Mental Toughness, I thought I would share some thoughts on the foundational principle of expecting excellence in your life.

“The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to EXCELLENCE, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.”
~ Vince Lombardi

Do you always expect the best in yourself? Do you act like the person you want to be? Are you ‘set apart’ in the work that you do, or in the life that you experience?

Do you have a passion to: … become more successful as an entrepreneur? … take your performance or creative life to a new level? … learn to paint or write?… move forward in your spiritual life? … improve your golf game? … or create new and more valuable products or services for your clients?

What is your unique and distinct passion?

The reality is that in any area of your life, your expectations shape reality! We either live UP to or DOWN to our expectations.

In fact, Dr. Don Greene has said,

“What you “see” in your mind’s eye prior to a performance, (or in what you are creating in your business or life) throughout the day and over weeks and months, tends to become who you are.”

What are you truly passionate about that you are determined to work towards and that you intend to “see” in your mind’s eye in the weeks ahead?

If you can’t imagine succeeding in a distinct way that sets you apart, then you have very little chance of actually doing that, especially while under self-imposed or external stress or pressure.

Goal-setting expert Paul Meyer once said,

“A burning desire is the greatest motivator of every human action.”

Your ATTITUDE sets the stage for success in any area of your life. “That’s good enough” won’t do if you desire to be successful. Do you have the determination and desire to take the steps necessary to move yourself in the direction that you desire to go?

Determination is that inner drive or commitment necessary for business, creative and performance success. It is the mind-set (the strength and power) of your intent to make things happen.

A moment must occur in which you say to yourself, “I am ready to live my life differently. Right now, I am not sure exactly how I will get there, but I have decided, and choose to believe, that mediocre is simply not good enough for me anymore.”

Aiming for excellence in order to achieve your absolute personal best must be built upon that passion and desire. Decide today if you are ready to aim higher!

Expect Excellence and develop a burning desire to achieve it!

The post The Power of Purpose & Determination first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

As I look back on the clients that I have coached over the past years, I often wonder what the core characteristics are of those who have achieved success in their personal and professional life. There seems to be a common mindset and approach to life that is foundational to their achievement of the things that matter to them.

Let’s take a look at 5 essential questions to ask yourself in order to create the type of focus needed for achieving what you desire in life.

1) “Do I have a laser-focused desire to succeed?”

This question has to do with having the passion and desire that is necessary to succeed: Do you have a passion to:

~ Develop more self-confidence?
~ Become a better public speaker?
~ Identify and overcome any fears that hold you back?
~ Develop a new product or service in your business?
~ Build better personal relationships?
~ Write an article or book?

What would it take to create this kind of laser-focus in order to achieve your dreams? Seeking out a course or a Coach/Mentor can become an important part of achieving the type of passion I am describing. Take charge by seeking out guidance.

2) “Do I expect excellence out of myself?”

~ Do you expect GREAT things in your business and personal life?

~ Do you act like the person that you want to be?

~ Does your commitment to excellence show itself in ALL aspects of your life (health, spiritual, business, family)?”

3) “Do I Create and Seize Opportunity?”

Avoid taking the easy way out or settling for safety. Accept and create challenges and opportunities. Fear of a challenge will paralyze you into failure and mediocrity. Challenge yourself to engage your full potential.

Commit to extending beyond your ‘comfort zone’ or your self-imposed limits. Dare to be different than your business competition. Create uniqueness in all areas of your life.

4) “Do I Practice Perseverance?”

Avoid the 4 obstacles to perseverance:

1. A lack of consistent commitment to your passions and goals on a daily, even hourly, basis
2. “Talking” instead of “Doing.” Is your talk always followed by ACTION?
3. Waiting for the ‘perfect’ time.  “If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done.” – Ecclesiastes 11:4
4. Fear of rejection/failure. Do you give up too soon?

5) “Do I Cultivate Optimism & Confidence?”

Do you ever feel like the pessimist who said, “Life is just one long process of getting tired?” Well, success in life has NO ROOM for: “I can’t…It probably won’t work out…I’ll probably never create a great business…I failed so it will probably happen again…That’s just the way I am.”

Adopt and live by the attitude of expecting the best possible outcome. Focus on the most hopeful and positive aspects of a situation or experience in your life. Communicate a confident attitude:

~ Is your self-talk positive and confident or are you negative and unsure of yourself?

~ Does your posture, handshake, eye contact and dress express confidence?

~ Are you other-centered and a good listener while building up those around you?

~ Do you have a positive business image, with your web site and all printed materials conveying confidence? Do you write articles and market yourself in a confident way, letting the world know what a wonderful product or service you have to offer?

It has been said that we either live up to or down to our expectations. Commit to letting your attitude and expectations set a positive stage for success as you go after the things that truly matter to you in your life.

Question: Which one of the above 5 attitudes, if you acted on it, would make the single biggest difference in your life or business? I’d love your thoughts on this. You can leave a comment by clicking the Comments box above.

The post Creating a Positive Focus for Success – 5 Essential Questions first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

“If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.“

~ Jim Rohn

Throughout my 40 years of working with entrepreneurs, artists, musicians, writers, executives and performance artists, I have never had anyone tell me,

“Please help me to become a mediocre performer.”

“I’ve noticed that I am becoming WAY too creative in my art, I need to slow it down a bit.”

“Can you teach me some ways to stay anxious as a writer?”

“You know Dr. Nick, my business is going too well. Can you help me become a little less effective with the clients that I work with?”

Not once has anyone asked to be helped to stay on the path to mediocrity. Yet, so often our creative lives are defined in terms of safety, lack of risk-taking and just “getting through” comfortably.

An outrageous and creative life doesn’t settle. It doesn’t put up with things being just ‘okay’.

“Change and growth takes place when a person has
risked themselves and dares to experiment with their own life.”
~ Philosopher Herbert Otto

Outrageous living is not comfortable. It is not ‘safe’. It does not look around to see if others are approving or if they are pleased by our behavior. An outrageously creative life is extraordinary, unconventional and bold.

At times, our ideas for our work will seem unthinkable and will exceed the limits of what others see as usual and ‘normal’ behavior. Outrageous means we are exceeding the bounds of what may seem reasonable or expected by those living a life of safety or of pleasing others.

Outrageous creativity is BOLD – we are not afraid to stand out. We are fearless, self-assured and confident.

“If things seem under control, you are just not going fast enough.” — Mario Andretti

Outrageous creativity contains a daring spirit, is adventurous and ultimately is free. A person committed to outrageous living makes bold choices, thinks big, refuses to be confined out of fear and is free of judgment and a myriad of ‘the shoulds’.

Helen Keller described just this kind of outrageous living when she said,

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change
and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeated.”

Are you beginning to see the picture of what outrageous creativity looks like? I believe that, in fact, it is the picture of what you looked like as a creative child before you began to be afraid, before you gave up a life of outrageous risk-taking in order to please those around you and gain their approval. It has been said that,

“People do not know how to be outrageous anymore.”

While vacationing at the beach several years ago, I noticed a little girl, no more than 3 years old, standing near the water line on the beach. She stood there watching the water come in and then, as it headed back out, she would let out a bloodcurdling scream and run towards the retreating water. As soon as her feet hit the cold water as it came back towards her, she would let out another scream and run back towards the sand. Yet, accompanying her scream was a HUGE smile on her face! She was bold and going for it – even while it was scaring her to death! Up and down, over and over she would run to the water, scream and run away laughing hysterically every single time!

No one had yet taught her to play it safe, to not take a chance, to sit and watch the other kids have fun. She was determined to live outrageously – bold and willing to risk it all.

When was it that you stopped running towards the creative thing that scared you? When did you give up going for what seemed impossible? Where did your boldness go?

Outrageous creativity includes bloodcurdling screams while going for your dreams with a huge smile on your face.

If your fear of public speaking has held you back in achieving the things that matter to you, then you might be interested in learning about my new online, home study course, The Fearless Speaker Mastery Program. Also, my book, The Fearless Business Speaker is now available.

The post Are You a Risk-Taking, Outrageous Creative? first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

As a contributing author to the amazing online magazine, 21st Century Drummer, here is my recent article “Mental Toughness for Outrageous Achievement (page 66).”

Click on the image above to access the magazine and article.

It contains valuable principles to take your performance (and life) to the next level. I that hope you enjoy it!

The post Mental Toughness for Outrageous Achievement first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

I recently returned from what I have to call the most amazing Conference, and community of people, that I have attended in my 38 years as a Performance Psychologist.

‘Amazing’ is a pretty worn out word these days that has lost its meaning due to overuse. Yet, the Tribe Conference, as Webster states in his dictionary, caused “astonishment, great wonder and surprise.”

Yes, it was that good.

For 3 days in Franklin, Tennessee, I sat in a room of 250 people, all of whom desired only one specific thing: to make a difference in the lives of others through their creativity, whether it be through visual or performing arts, speaking or writing. (A special thanks to the creator and organizer of Tribe, New York Times best selling author Jeff Goins)

In my last 2 Posts I have been sharing about how certain words can kill our creativity. In this Post, I would like to share some of the words that I heard from speakers at the Tribe Conference that focused on how we can take our gifts into the world for the purpose of changing lives for the better.

Not words that kill, but words that give us permission to do our best work.

If you have ever attended a conference in the past, you more than likely came home with a notebook full of scribbled down ideas, most of which got put on a shelf, never to be referred to again. I decided to go through my own notes from the conference and share some of my key takeaways.

Takeaway #1: “Fear comes alongside doing something new”

Tim Grahl, author of Running Down A Dream: Your Road Map to Winning Creative Battles, gave a powerful presentation about the role fear plays in our artistic lives. He encouraged us to push outside of our self-imposed boundaries of safety.

Identify what fears are paralyzing and keeping you from letting your creativity be fully expressed. Fear, Tim said, “is a sign that we are doing something right.”

Take risks in your creative work.

Takeaway #2: You cannot stand out and fit in at the same time

Chase Jarvis reinforced this idea of trying to be accepted by fitting in with others (a theme throughout the Conference), of being so concerned what others think that we “settle into the narcotic of external validation” (Todd Henry).

Paul Angone talked about OCD – Obsessive Comparison Disorder, that of putting our focus on what others think of us.

“What is something you would love to do, that you are not doing because

you are afraid you’re going to do it wrong, or it won’t be good enough?” (Melissa Dinwiddie)

Takeaway #3: “Die Empty”

Todd Henry shared these words as he encouraged each of us to not take our best work to the grave. In other words, he encouraged us to stop procrastinating and searching for perfection.

Do your work now and stop putting off creating so that you can, as Todd shared,

“Make something that you love for someone who will love it.”

Speaker Ali Worthington, author of Fierce Faith and The Year of Living Happy summed up what the Conference as a whole was encouraging us as creatives to do:

~ Show Up (Do the work)

~ Be Real (Take a risk and be your authentic self)

~ Love Others (Do not hold back your gifts from the world)

~ Don’t quit (Persevere and push forward no matter what the obstacle)

Now, go out and make amazing work that will cause “astonishment, great wonder and surprise” in the community that you serve!

The post My Takeaways from Tribe Conference 2018 first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

“When we argue for our limitations, we get to keep them.” ~ Evelyn Waugh

As I shared in Part 1 of this discussion, the words that we tell ourselves can be so powerful and destructive that they can kill off our creativity and the child-like joy of doing our creative work until it becomes a chore and sometimes even a nightmare. Yes, words can kill and rob us of our chance to give our absolute personal best to a world in need of what we have to offer.

In addition to the 5 killer words I have previously shared with you, I’d like to present 6 more words that have the potential to kill off who you are as a creative, whether in your art, writing or performing.

6. “It’s hard”

Nothing will kill off accomplishment and productivity as will a belief that something is too hard or that we aren’t quite ready for such a big dream or goal. So, we destroy the child-like, wide-eyed vision of what could be and replace it with a scaled down version of our dream.

7. “Yes, but…”

Another sneaky killer here. It appears at first as if you are agreeing to go for it, then out of nowhere comes that little “but” to minimize and scale back the possibilities of what you might create.

8. “I should”

Never has there been such an oppressive and murderous word such as ‘should’. Inherent within it is the message that we are small and unable to decide for our self what is best and will serve us – ‘shoulds’ always come from external sources and soon take residence in our head.

9. “Tomorrow, Tomorrow…

…I love ya, tomorrow, you’re always a day away.”

Apparently, Annie was also lied to as she sang how she should wait till tomorrow because it must be better than today. Studies have revealed that many, at the end of their life, regret waiting for ‘tomorrow’ and realize, much too late, that they had allowed their entire life to be emotionally killed off by waiting for just the right time, the right person or for someone to give them permission.

10. “If only”

This is the first cousin to “what if” – Rather than looking ahead in anxious anticipation, we kill the present moment and opportunity by looking back in regret. Precious energy is spent looking back, not to learn and move forward, but in feeling sad at what might have been. “If only I had …”

11. “Survive”

Disco queen Gloria Gaynor, in 1978, repeated this word over and over in her song “I Will Survive” in response to feeling sorry for herself after heartbreak. Her goal was to survive, not thrive. Without a commitment to move forward in bold and dramatic ways, we often allow our dreams to stay frozen in a ‘safe’ place until they die off, one at a time.

Fortunately, “I Will Survive” was followed up in 1979 by Patrick Hernandez who sang “Born to Be Alive!” Over and over in the chorus were words that help us avoid dying and encourage us to go beyond safety …

“You were born, born to be ALIVE!”

I encourage you to listen for any killer words that you tell yourself.

Replace them with affirming, uplifting and empowering words that will set the stage to allow you to soar to new heights in your work as artists, performers and in business.

Remember, as a creator you were born to be ALIVE!

The post Words That Kill Creativity (Part 2) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

“Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones,
but Words Will Never Hurt Me.

You were lied to. Yes, those adults (teachers, parents, Sunday school teachers) who told you to trust them flat out LIED to you. Oh, I am sure that they meant well. In fact, I would bet that they were told the same lie when they were young.

The lie is that words do hurt you – in fact, I would go as far as to say that some words are so powerful that they have the potential to actually KILL you!

Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

The dictionary definition of ‘kill’ is to deprive of life in any manner; to put an end to; to defeat.

Throughout my years of coaching, I have seen client after client whose emotions, spirit, belief in themselves, and hope for a wonderful life were shattered and destroyed by words they were told when they were a child. As a result, the joy of creativity and performing is defeated.

Most of you would agree that words can hurt others. Yet, I am talking here about words that we tell ourselves as adults that continue to ‘kill’ our dreams, aspirations and potential – whether in our creative endeavors, our relationships and in our ability to perform at the highest level.

Each day, as you say any of the following words to yourself, you get closer and closer to killing off who you are and might become.

Here are 5 words that kill. In my next Post I will share 6 more ‘killer’ words.

1. “Wishing and Hoping”

Dionne Warwick said it right when she sang that if we sit around and wish and hope for good things to come into our lives, we will be waiting a very long time. As she states, “Wishing and hoping won’t get you into his arms…show him that you care, do the things…hold him…” How often do we wish for what we want rather than go out and get it? These words will kill your chances for getting what you want.

2. “Maybe”

“Maybe” is a very safe word that will quietly destroy any possibility of creative spontaneity or joy in your life. It’s what I call the ‘gray zone’ in life where a lack of commitment to go for it kills your chances to discover new worlds. It holds you back from the necessary ‘Yes’ that leads to amazing accomplishments.

“One doesn’t discover new lands without consenting to
lose sight of the shore for a very long time.” ~Andre Gide

3. “What if…”

Looking ahead in anxious anticipation will kill off any chance of experiencing the present moment. So often we miss what is right in front of us by nervously looking ahead in fear. Learning to say “So what!” as you step out of fear leads to taking creative charge of yourself. (See my Post for more on this.)

4. “Yes”

Often we say “yes” to others out of a fear of being rejected. Without the ability to say a clear, simple and firm “No” we run the risk of losing ourselves and becoming extensions of what others want or think is best for us. Pursue you creative dreams without by saying “No” to anything that slows you down or dilutes your focus. (For tips on becoming more assertive, see my Post )

5. “Getting ready…”

My wife Ramona often tells me that I seem to always be ‘getting ready’ to do my work rather than actually doing the task! In fact, sometimes you might even catch me getting ready to get ready! Are you letting fear or the desire to get it just right keep you from starting? What would you accomplish if you stopped getting ready and committed to doing something consistently?

In order to move ahead, whether as an artist, performer or in life, begin to listen for these 5 killer words that you tell yourself. As I often say to my clients, the bad news is that the obstacle is in your head. The good news is that the solution is also in your head – you can begin to change the words that have defeated you in the past! You can take charge of your inner conversation and move forward.

Question: What words do you tell yourself that create inner obstacles and gets in the way of achieving the things that matter to you? Please share your comments below.

The post Words That Kill Creativity (Part 1) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

~ Do you live with “What if” thinking?

~ Do you always seem to be getting ready to start? “Tomorrow… Someday.”

If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, you are not alone. Most of my coaching clients report being afraid to go for their dreams out of fear that they would look foolish, make a mistake or be rejected. In fact, I used to struggle with very similar feelings and fears.

One day, during my Doctoral Internship at a hospital in Georgia, one of the nurses asked if I would like to join a group going out that night. It had been a tough day, and I thought that getting out for dinner would be a nice way to unwind, so I said, “Yes”.

They picked me up and off we went to what I thought would be a simple night out of dinner and some laughs. I realized I was wrong as we pulled up to one of the hottest dance clubs in the city, and began to feel anxious about what was ahead of me.

My fear was based on the fact that I had never danced before! Yes, you heard me correctly. Unless you counted the Greek dancing I did as a child at my relative’s Greek weddings, I had never danced. My over-concern with how I might look to others had ‘protected’ me from looking the fool on the dance floor. So, imagine my shock at not having a car with which to escape, walking in to a club with pulsating disco music (this was the 70’s!), and a being with a group ready to let loose and have a great time dancing the night away.

Eventually the moment I had dreaded arrived. Just when I thought I had convinced the group that “I wasn’t feeling very well” one of the girls looked me straight in the eye and said, “Nick, it’s time to dance.” She literally pulled me up and out of the safety of my chair and on to the crowded dance floor. As I looked for a way out, I heard someone in the crowd yell out, “Go for it, Nick! Let’s see your moves.”

Needless to say, I was momentarily traumatized. In fact, although it was over 30 years ago, I still remember the song that was playing (Brick House, by the Commodores). I stood there basically motionless for what felt like 19 hours until I came up with a brilliant idea – close your eyes!

The moment I shut them, I somehow believed that no one was watching me (like an adult version of a child pulling the covers over their eyes to keep the monsters away!). Well, I soon began to move with the music. I then opened my eyes, and I abruptly stopped moving. Eyes shut, I danced. Eyes opened, I stopped. Eyes shut again, a dancing fool! My mind had apparently believed that since no one was watching, it was not possible to be rejected (or laughed at!). In fact, I actually heard myself say, “Who cares – so what – just dance!” Finally, my eyes stayed open and I kept dancing, although probably not very well!

Months later, as I returned home to California, I told a close friend, “Hey, why don’t we get the old gang together and go dancing?” Her mouth dropped because she knew how self-conscious I had always been. “What happened to you?” she asked. I simply explained that I had shut my eyes and decided that it was “time to dance”.

What do you have your eyes on? What are you telling yourself that you won’t do because of how it might look or how others might see you? Either you dance or you don’t. There is nothing in between. When you care too much about how others might see or judge you, then you stop living. Any possibility of an outrageous life is gone.

It’s time to stop ‘looking’ at others. Close your eyes and go for it.

It’s time for you to dance.

Question: In what ways have you decided not to ‘dance’ and how has this gotten in the way of achieving the things that matter to you? You can leave a comment by by clicking the Comment box above.

The post It’s Time to Dance first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

The post Overcome Anxiety & Stress with the Power of Focused Breathing first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

A revolving stage, painted as a map of the world, placed the actors at just the appropriate place for them to sing and dance each number. The stage turned every time, perfectly, during each performance for several weeks – until it abruptly stopped during the final act on the final night, leaving each actor out of position and facing every which way but the right one.

My heart sank, as I imagined each actor thinking frantically what their next move would be to adjust to their new stage setting.

Yet, just like clockwork, without missing a beat, the actors each created a pathway to their new improvised stage positions. Singing, and then dancing, without their usual cues and blocking, the show went on and was as incredible as each time we had seen it before (of course we are proud stage parents, so we had tickets for several performances!).

I marveled at how each cast member, during that split second of decision-making, had applied a principle that I had learned many years ago in a training with Jack Canfield, co-creator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books. The principle is contained in the following powerful formula:

R is your Response to the Event and

O is the Outcome.

The principle described in this formula is that no matter what happens to or around you, the one thing that is ALWAYS available to you is your ability to CHOOSE your response to what is happening. It is always the response that you choose that leads to the final outcome you experience.

As the actors on the stage discovered, you cannot always control when your world stops turning, but you can accept changes and take charge over what is under your control.

While change and uncertainty can lead to feeling powerless, victimized and weak, taking charge in times of change leads to a very different outcome than if one believes things are happening TO them.

Albert Schweitzer once said, “Man must cease attributing his problems to his environment and learn again to exercise his will – his personal responsibility.”

Whether in your business, in your creative process or in a performance, the decision to take responsibility and turn potential powerlessness into action will always lead to an amazing outcome.

As the stage stopped turning, each actor took charge and responded by creating an amazing final act for the audience to enjoy. Of course I am biased, but the final outcome was confirmed by the standing ovation the talented cast received!

Question: Has your personal world ‘stopped turning’ recently? I would love to hear how you took charge and changed the outcome? You can leave a comment by clicking the Comments box above.

The post When Your World Stops Turning first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.