When I first started speaking professionally, I remember people coming up to me after a talk and saying things like, “Dr. Lazaris, that was great – I really enjoyed it. What you shared is going to help me a lot.” And almost without thinking, I’d shrug it off and say, “Oh, it was nothing.”

But let’s be honest – that wasn’t true.

I had spent hours preparing. I cared about what I was doing, and I put real effort into doing it well. It wasn’t “nothing” at all. Looking back, I wish I had just paused, taken it in, and said something simple like, “Thank you, I really appreciate that. That means a lot.”

Maybe you can relate to that. Maybe you tend to downplay your strengths or brush off compliments. Maybe you put other people ahead of yourself so often that it feels strange – almost uncomfortable – to be recognized. You might even find yourself wondering how someone could truly like you, or care about you, or value what you bring.

And when someone does say something kind? It can be hard to accept. Hard to just say, “Thanks… yeah, I am actually pretty good at that.”

At the heart of all this is one big question: “Am I worth it?”

A lot of us spend our energy trying to be liked, accepted, or approved of by others before we’ve ever really learned to like ourselves. We chase validation outward instead of building it inward. But that approach rarely works for long.

The Bible says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” The second part of that matters more than we often realize. If you don’t have a basic sense of respect, kindness, and appreciation for yourself, it’s hard to truly extend that to others – or to believe them when they offer it to you.

When anxiety enters the picture, this gets even more tangled. Instead of building a solid sense of self-worth, the focus shifts to making sure other people like you. Your value starts to feel dependent on how you’re perceived, how you perform, or whether you measure up.

Author Pia Melody describes healthy self-esteem as an internal sense of your own worth – something steady that comes from within and carries into your relationships. In other words, it’s not something that rises and falls with every success or failure.

People with healthy self-esteem still have bad days. They still make mistakes, feel embarrassed, get rejected, or deal with criticism. But those moments don’t define them. Their sense of worth stays intact, even when life doesn’t go their way.

On the other hand, when self-esteem is low, your identity can get tied to things outside of you – what others think, how well you perform, whether you succeed, or even whether someone might be judging you behind your back.

The problem is, those external things are always shifting.

If your self-worth depends on whether someone approves of you, you’re setting yourself up for a constant emotional roller coaster. One person might think you’re doing great, while another might not – and suddenly you’re left questioning everything.

That’s why it’s so important to take a step back and get honest with yourself. Ask yourself a few simple questions:

• Do I believe people when they compliment me?
• Do I put myself down or call myself names when I mess up?
• Do I treat mistakes like proof that I’ve failed, instead of part of being human?
• Am I afraid to take risks because I might not succeed?
• Do I struggle to say no or set boundaries?
• Do I take criticism really hard, even when it’s small?

If you find yourself answering “yes” to a lot of these, it’s not a personal flaw – it’s a sign that your self-esteem might need some care and attention.

Here’s the truth: you are going to make mistakes. You’re going to have moments where things don’t go as planned. That’s part of being human, not evidence that something is wrong with you.

Learning to feel good about yourself – really good, not just when things are going well – is essential. It’s what allows you to step into your life, your work, and your creativity with confidence. It’s what helps you believe that you have value and that you deserve meaningful, fulfilling experiences.

If, deep down, you don’t feel like you’re enough, or you see the world as overwhelming and yourself as incapable, it’s easy to start holding back. You might feel like an imposter, avoid opportunities, and slowly shrink your world to stay “safe.”

But real change starts with awareness. When you begin to see that anxiety and fear of taking risks are often rooted in low self-esteem, you can start to shift things.

How, then, can you begin to turn this around, to begin to accept your value and worth? In my next article, I will share 3 powerful principles and steps that you can use to take this awareness and apply it to learning to accept and love yourself.

For now, just begin by noticing how you talk to yourself. Pay attention to that inner voice. And when it turns critical or dismissive, gently challenge it.

Remind yourself: “It’s time to stop acting like I don’t matter – and start showing up like I do.”

I’d love to hear your thoughts. You can email me at nick@drnicklazaris.com.

The post Is Low Self-Worth Holding You Back? (Part 1) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.