Each of us are products of genetics, past experiences and relationships that, when combined, lead to our unique personality and sense of self. Most clients that I coach, when I first meet them, say a version of, “That’s just the way I am.”

It is almost as if no matter how hard they try, or desire to change, they feel ‘stuck’ with years and years of being conditioned to think and act in certain ways and do not believe they can move past that conditioning.

I simply want to share with you that if that sounds like you, then you are not only telling yourself a devastating lie, but you are guaranteeing that you will never change, grow or become that fearless person you once were and now desire to be.

Today, I encourage you to change “That’s the way I am” to “That’s the way I have been, but it’s time for me to finally change.”

Commit to truly taking care of yourself through new acts of creation – fight for yourself, stop giving in to false lies that you say about your worth and learn to love that scared, inner child who, as an adult, has lost faith in creating a life that you desire.

It’s time to commit to the process of creative acts.

The post “That’s Just the Way I Am” Destroys Your Chance to Grow first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

Have you ever had that nagging feeling that you don’t deserve the success and recognition you’ve earned? Maybe you constantly worry that you’ll be exposed as a fraud, despite evidence of your competence?

If you can relate to these thoughts, then you may be battling a little something called imposter syndrome.

In my coaching work, this is often the foundational obstacle to not achieving one’s absolute best in any performance, or life, situation.

As I have been working on a new Master Class regarding overcoming imposter syndrome, I thought I would share a few thoughts about what imposter syndrome is all about, how it affects your performance, and most importantly, how you can conquer self-doubt to take your performance to new heights.

So, what exactly is imposter syndrome?

Well, picture this: You achieve something amazing—an impressive promotion, an award, create a new piece of art or maybe even begin to launch your own successful business. But deep down, you can’t help but question if you truly deserve it.

You might brush off your achievements as mere luck or convince yourself that others are just overestimating your abilities. That, my friend, is imposter syndrome in a nutshell. It’s like wearing a mask, pretending to be someone you’re not, all while fearing that you’ll be unmasked as a fraud!

Imposter syndrome can also mess with your performance. Picture a talented musician who refuses to perform in public because they believe their skills are subpar. Or imagine a brilliant student who downplays their achievements, thinking they got into that top-tier university by sheer chance. When you doubt yourself and attribute your success to external factors, it’s like slamming on the brakes of your potential. You become stuck in a cycle of self-sabotage, afraid to take risks, try new things, or even acknowledge your worth.

It’s like having a front-row seat to your own performance downfall.

Thankfully, there’s hope! You can break free from the clutches of imposter syndrome and unleash your full potential.

Here are some tried-and-true strategies to help you overcome self-doubt and enhance your performance:

• Take off the mask: The first step in overcoming imposter syndrome is acknowledging its presence in your life. Recognize those self-doubt patterns and understand that many accomplished individuals battle imposter syndrome too. It’s time to unmask and confront it head-on.
• Flip the script: Challenge those negative thoughts and limiting beliefs that hold you back. Instead of dwelling on your perceived inadequacies, shift your focus to your achievements, skills, and strengths. Celebrate your wins and acknowledge the hard work and talent that got you there.
• Seek support: Remember, you’re not alone in this struggle. Reach out to trusted friends, mentors, or even online communities to share your experiences. Hire a personal coach. Talking openly about imposter syndrome can provide a fresh perspective and remind you that you’re not the only one sailing these choppy waters.
• Set realistic goals and celebrate progress: Break down your big goals into smaller, achievable milestones. This way, you can track your progress and celebrate each step along the way. Remember, progress is progress, no matter how small. Give yourself credit for the effort you’re putting in.
• Be kind to yourself: Treat yourself with compassion and understanding. No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. Embrace self-care practices that nourish your mind, body, and soul. When you show yourself some love, you’re better equipped to handle the challenges that imposter syndrome throws your way.

Now, I know it’s easier said than done, but trust me, you have what it takes to unmask imposter syndrome and enhance your performance.

Believe in yourself, embrace your accomplishments, and remember that you are not alone in this journey. Together, we can break free from self-doubt and achieve the greatness we are capable of.

So, it’s time to take off that mask and step into your true potential. Embrace your uniqueness, celebrate your successes, and banish those self-limiting beliefs. You deserve every bit of the success that comes your way.

Remember, overcoming imposter syndrome is a process. It takes time, patience, and self-compassion. But with each step you take towards self-acceptance and self-belief, your performance will soar to new heights.

So, go out there and conquer your goals with confidence. You have the power to unmask imposter syndrome and let your true abilities shine. Believe in yourself, trust in your capabilities, and watch as your performance reaches new levels of excellence.

You’ve got this! Let’s unmask imposter syndrome together and unleash your true potential. The world is waiting for your brilliance to shine through.

The post Unmasking Imposter Syndrome: How Overcoming Self-Doubt Enhances Performance (and Life) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

Your mind is amazing! It is in the full time business of keeping you safe. It reminds you to be careful. It warns you of not acting too foolish. It points out everything that could possibly go wrong if you take too much of a risk.

It absolutely LOVES to hold you back from anything and everything that might hurt you physically, emotionally or in your relationships.

It’s on the job 24/7, running like clockwork.

As great as that may sound, there is a problem with this – there is rarely a good reason for living a life of safety. In fact, as a newborn you came into the world absolutely fearless! Research tells us that the only 2 universal fears that everyone on the planet arrives with is the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. This means that every fear you possess as adults, and that your mind carefully guards against, is LEARNED.

Negative experiences, painful relationships and distorted teaching all led to the creation of your own unique set of fears, fears that were actually non-existent at birth.

As a child, you accumulated fear after fear which, with each new fear quietly growing within you, led to the disappearance of that outgoing, joyful, fearless part of you that made life so exciting and fun.

Before learning to be afraid and anxious, however, every day and moment was a possibility of experiencing something new and wonderful. If it went well, we loved it! If it went poorly, who cared, because the next thing in our life might be even more wonderful!

Yet, I wonder what happened to that bright-eyed, risk-taking explorer. Where is that creator and adventurer that lived each moment to the fullest? Did the fears that you learned permanently bury, under layers of cautiousness and anxiety, your potential for an exciting life?

Well, I have great news,

You never, EVER lose that part of yourself.

In spite of the anxiety you feel, the things you anticipate, and the worries you obsess over, somewhere, sometimes way, way down, is that original, loving, caring ‘wild and crazy’ child inside of you who really knows how to play and live.

I have discovered, in my work with hundreds of fearful adults over the past 40 years, that each and every one possess, underneath their fear, a potential boldness that is just dying to be given permission to come out.

For some of you, the process can be very scary and challenging as you hear that quiet, yet insistent, voice that whispers, “Who do you think you are? Life is way too BIG and you are not enough. You better be more careful.” This voice, as well meaning as it is, is a LIAR, and only, as we said earlier, in the business of helping you survive life rather than experiencing it and thriving.

It’s time to quiet this voice and replace it with one that affirms how amazing you really are.

I would like to encourage you, TODAY, to take a stand against your fears, against the lies you have heard since you were a child.

Tell yourself (maybe quietly at first but much louder later!) that how ever long it takes or whatever is needed,

“I am tired of being afraid of living … I have value … I matter … I am capable of achieving amazing things … I was created as a magnificent work of art!”

Let yourself feel the fear, accept that it has been trying to keep you safe for so many years, and then tell it goodbye, over and over, day by day.

Begin today to let go and step into who you really are – a child of God, designed to experience joy and the fullness of life – in your business, in your art, in your relationships and in everything you set out to do and experience.

The post Step Out of Fear and Into Joy! first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

We looked at some of the mental effects of public speaking anxiety last week, about getting caught up in negative thinking and outside of the ‘quiet zone’. We will now turn our attention to the physical effects of public speaking, the physical skills that you can learn to help make a shift in order to be able to speak and present yourself with less and less anxiety and stress.

As soon as the mind sends a signal to the brain that there is ‘danger’ ahead (“What if I mess up, “What if I begin to feel overwhelmed with anxiety, “What if …What if?…) the physical side of anxiety takes over.

Adrenaline kicks in and your muscles tighten up leading to even more physical stress. Your breathing changes, going from your regular slow breathing to shallow and fast breaths.

Your heart rate goes up, your eyes kind of scan, looking in a fearful way around the room. It is as if you are looking for danger. You’re worried about how you are doing. Things begin to feel different. As you present yourself, you begin to feel alone with your feelings, like no one else in the world at that moment feels as anxious as you do.

You then begin to feel more pressure, more stress and more anxiety, maybe even doing the things that you were afraid might happen: You forget what you were saying. You start to worry and feel overwhelmed about things you do not need to worry about. You focus on someone in the audience that has a puzzled look and think “Oh my gosh, they really are not interested in what I’m talking about,” or “I’m really blowing it here.”

Under the pressure of the moment, you begin to change your thinking into negative self-talk and your body simply follows that change by creating all of the physical effects that have such a negative effect on your speaking.

Understanding this Body-Mind connection will begin the process of making the unknowns ‘known’ and puts us in the drivers seat to learning and applying new skills to overcome anxiety.

To learn to master this escalation of anxiety, one must learn and apply 3 major skills that are crucial to helping you overcome your performance anxiety:

1. Focused Breathing

2. Progressive Muscle Relaxation

3. Centering (Focused Presence)

By applying these physical skills together with the cognitive (or Mindset) skills of Positive Self-Talk, Re-writing your Internal Dialogue and Positive Mental Rehearsal, you will have built a solid foundation and ‘Tool Box’ of Skills to help you overcome performance anxiety forever.

The post This is Your Brain on Fear (Part 2) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

Fear and anxiety can feel like they come out of nowhere. In fact, it is hard to even understand what is going on. This ‘unknown’ aspect of fear makes us feel even more anxious!

Understanding what the foundations of anxiety are is a critical first step to overcoming our fears. The more that we are aware of the ‘unknowns’ the more we can stop filling in the “What ifs” with false, fear inducing information and then apply practical steps to think and do things differently.

I have found that the best way to understand how anxiety develops and how it interferes with effective performing is what is called the Stress Model of Public Speaking Anxiety.

Under stress, whether real or imagined, several things can affect your performance. I say real or imagined because either way your body reacts the same as if the reasons for the stress are real. Preparing and actually presenting or performing can create real pressure and physiological stress.

However, the imagined pressure, the imagined stress of worrying how you are going to do, what people are going to think of you, whether you might ‘blow’ the presentation or forget what to say, can affect your performance in an even more negative way.

The Stress Model is comprised of the effects of both how you think, the cognitive effect, as well as your body’s physical response to the stressful situation. This week, let’s take a quick look at the Cognitive Effects of Anxiety.

The cognitive, or mental, side of anxiety includes the self-doubts that you begin to have, the self-criticism and the negative self-talk where you talk to yourself in a judgmental and critical way.

You might begin to have a loss of focus because you’re getting stressed out or are feeling so anxious. You question if you are prepared enough and wonder if you are going to look and do okay. “What if they see that I am nervous?” “What if I cannot concentrate and stay on track with what I am performing or presenting?”

This kind of self-questioning and negative thoughts are a part of the cognitive side of public speaking anxiety.

The first step to slow down our brain and its focus on feeling afraid is to become aware of the many “What If’s…” that flood our thinking.

Without such an awareness, we cannot replace these thoughts with more focused and positive ones that are NOT based upon imaginary fears (See my past post on not believing everything you think).

As a result of this awareness and replacing negative thinking with thoughts based on what is actually true, then we can turn our attention to getting our physical self under control. We will look at the physical part of our ‘brain on fear’ in my next Post.

The post This is Your Brain on Fear (Part 1) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

As I shared in my last post, the key challenge if you struggle with anxiety, whether on the stage, in business or in life in general, is that your goal is most often to be liked by others rather than having the goal of liking yourself.

Real change, then, always begins with an awareness that the foundation of your anxiety and lack of risk-taking in life is low self-esteem.

I would like to share 3 powerful principles and steps that you can use to take the awareness that we talked about last week and apply it to learning to accept and love yourself.

1) Give Yourself Appropriate Praise

Praise yourself every time you accomplish something, no matter how small. If you are struggling with the fear of speaking in front of a group, no matter the size, and you say to yourself, “Well, all that I did this week was volunteer to lead the presentation at work, but then I felt panicky all week and almost pulled out of the meeting” instead tell yourself, “Great job! I made the attempt and am starting to go outside my comfort zone!”

Usually, any positive step gets discounted in our mind, it gets wiped out and none of it seems to matter or count. It is time to give yourself permission to feel good about any step, no matter how small, that you take to overcoming your fear.

We typically do not talk to our self in that kind of positive, forward looking way. So, no matter how small your victory is, it is crucial to get into the habit, and it is a habit, of praising yourself.

2) If you make a mistake or blow it, ask yourself, “What should I do next?”

When you do fall short of a goal that you have, or you make a mistake, which is inevitable, do not shame yourself but, rather, ask yourself, “What should I do next?”

When I was very young, I used to spill my glass of milk a lot. I don’t know why, but I would be at the kitchen table and accidentally knock the milk over. Now, I had a very caring and loving father, but he would give me this stern look as if I was this terrible person for spilling the milk and I would get very nervous.

As a result of feeling so anxious, did I stop spilling milk? No, I became the champion milk spiller!! It became part of how I saw myself, my identity. I saw myself as clumsy and anxious that I would not please him. It was as if whenever we went out to a restaurant I was subconsciously saying, “Oh excuse me dad, there’s a table over there with a glass of milk on it, I’ve got to go knock it over – that’s my job, that’s who I am.”

Instead of growing up and hearing from him, “That’s okay, let’s just clean it up and move on,” in my head I would beat myself up.

The key principle here is that when you blow it, when you make a mistake, instead of putting yourself down, give yourself a positive, helpful suggestion on what you can do differently next time. What can you do to create a different outcome next time? Be aware of the mental picture, or identity, that you have of yourself and commit to changing it in order to feel less shameful and be more kind to yourself.

Sometimes you need someone else to help you with making this kind of change. It can be a therapist, a coach, or a friend, someone that can say to you, “It’s okay, let’s just understand this.”

We so often put ourselves down automatically without even realizing it. It is not as though you sit around and say, “Hey, I think I’ll have a poor self-image today. I think I’ll be unhealthily dependent on people today. Let’s see who I can let control me.”

Become more aware of how you are talking to yourself and say, “Wait a minute, stop. Don’t. That’s not right to say to myself.” Refrain from calling yourself names or putting yourself down. It’s been said that life is hard enough and no one deserves to be humiliated, even by yourself! Become aware of what you tell yourself.

3) Believe That You Deserve Good Things

Consider the idea that you are worth it. For most of you, that is not an automatic statement, that you truly deserve good things, are really worthwhile, are a lovable person. So many who struggle with anxiety are unable to say that they feel that they matter. You might say that on a surface level, or in terms of certain gifts or talents that you have, yet deep down do not believe it or that you might be ‘found out’ to be an ‘imposter’ without much value.

The worse you feel about yourself and the more insecure you are, the more the world looks dangerous and leads you to seeing life and the world as a negative unknown. It has been said that all of our behavior is guided by our self-esteem and that the less we are able to love ourselves adequately, the more we are handicapped in loving another.

A professor of mine in grad school, Psychologist Maurice Wagner, once said, “An adequate self-concept is a precious possession, it is the premise upon which a person can devote himself to living a useful and productive life. Some people are so completely preoccupied with feelings of being a nobody in a world of somebodies, that they scarcely apply themselves to any certain task and become successful.”

Do you feel like a nobody in a world of somebodies?

Do you ‘hide’ while not letting people know who you are? Do you build self-imposed prison walls that can make you look to others like everything from a scared person to a very competent and in control person? You may look fine to the world, yet people would be shocked to hear that you struggle with these things, because you’re really good at that keeping up that wall, really good at wearing a mask to hide your real self.

Persons who struggle with a sense of shame have a very, very difficult time changing because it undermines your growth and development. It emotionally knocks your feet out from under you!. If you identify with any of what I’ve shared, I encourage you to seek out help in order to begin the process of accepting how truly valuable and special that you are. You CAN learn to love yourself!

In the meantime, become more aware of how negatively you talk to yourself and say,

“It is time for me to quit feeling like an imposter and time to act like I truly matter and have worth!”

If you would like guidance to help you on your journey to higher self-esteem and a fearless life, please click here to schedule a free coaching call with me. This is a no-charge opportunity for you to learn more about how it IS possible to manage and overcome ANY anxiety that holds you back through one-on-one Coaching.

Also, be sure to get on the wait list for the Fearless Performer Academy to learn how this powerful and very inexpensive monthly program can help build your self-esteem and overcome your anxiety.

The post Do You Feel Worth It? (Part 2) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

Most often, in order to complete our creative projects, we need to practice the power of perseverance and ‘hang tough’ until the end. Yes, because this is a mindset issue, then ultimately the solution is actually under our control. What, then, is the thinking needed to develop perseverance when our negative mindset leads to unfinished creations?

It is probable that your lack of perseverance is connected to negative self-talk that causes doubt in what you are creating or desiring to complete.

Maybe you’re not persistent because you are afraid of what others might think. Other times, things are simply difficult and it becomes hard to keep moving forward through the challenge.

In fact, the more you actually go for your goals as a creative, the greater the struggle with being persistent in your journey towards completion. This is because a lack of persistence is most often fear-based, and to keep pushing ourselves forward can lead to anxiety and stress.

The question is: “Do you persevere when times get tough or when you are under pressure to complete your work?”

Jonathan and Perseverance

A new coaching client, whom I will call Jonathan, came to me while writing the final chapters of his book on dealing with work stress. He found himself ‘stuck’ completing his book and could not understand why. He had become discouraged as he found his everyday writing slowing down as he moved away from his commitment to complete his book.

I suggested to Jonathan that his excuses and rationalizations were preventing him from completing his work and were masking the real underlying struggle he was experiencing.

Together we uncovered that the obstacle to completing his book was based on his fear of what others might say about his book. Jonathan realized that his self-doubt had been screaming (or sometimes quietly suggesting) that he was not enough to become a successful writer, i.e., Imposter Syndrome.

Words such as, “Who do I think I am to be writing this book, will anyone really buy it?” came to the surface as we gently stripped away the subconscious excuses that were the basis for his lack of perseverance.

Does this sound familiar to you?

In our coaching work together, I helped Jonathan develop a mindset for creating perseverance, where he was able to say, “Yes” I have all of the strength, talent, and ideas to keep moving forward – now it’s time to remove my negative mindset and finish the book.” Perseverance became a key part of his commitment to his writing goals, not on a one-time basis, but rather daily, hourly and continually.

Perseverance in his creative life was not achieved through hoping, wishing or just talking about it, but through persistent effort, action, and consistent commitment to his passion and goals on a continuous basis.

Jonathan was letting fear or the desire to get it just right keep him from starting. Think about what you would accomplish if you practiced persistence and stopped aiming for perfection, and instead committed to doing something consistently, even if it isn’t perfect or exactly the way you believe it should be.

The main reason creatives do not stay persistent and give up too soon is the fear that they may fail or be rejected.

How often do we wish for what we want, or talk about it, rather than go out and get it?

Make an intentional choice to commit yourself to that which you desire through action and perseverance. Remember that talk is cheap and ACTION is king!

Of course, no one likes rejection, yet, as we know, “Yes” lives in the land of “No”. The more “No’s”, or obstacles, you experience, the more likely that you are asking for what you want, trying new ideas and stretching yourself through risking new ways of creating.

The “What if’s” in our thinking, that lead to our looking ahead in anxious anticipation, will also kill off any chance of experiencing the present moment, especially during times of taking the risk of working towards completion with persistence.

Until we are willing to say “So What! My creative dreams matter to me” and keep pursuing the thing that you desire until completion; your lack of perseverance will derail you.

So often we miss what is right in front of us by nervously looking ahead in fear. Learning to say “So what!” in perseverance as you step out of fear and take whatever is the next action step will take you closer to achieving your goals.

A commitment to focus on and work towards achieving the goals that truly matter to you is not a straight line – there will be ups and downs, successes and limitations throughout your creative journey.

The world needs you to hang in there, to not give up, to persevere with your amazing book, piece of art or potential world-changing idea.

I encourage you TODAY to make a choice to commit yourself to completing your work through action, hard work, and most importantly, perseverance.

The post Completing Your Creative Work Through Perseverance first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

Today I would like to share some great news with you.

You are guilty.

(Not quite what you were expecting to hear, was it?)

Yes, believe it or not, accepting that we are guilty is powerful and can be the beginning of growth and change.

Determining if we are truly guilty of something can be the initial step towards resolving our offense and moving forward. Whether we have hurt someone we love, procrastinated working on our next important project or made excuses to ourselves about what we are capable of, we are guilty.

But … being guilty of something does not mean that we need to feel shame. Whereas guilt says that I have broken a law, or have done something that hurts either myself or another, shame goes deeper – much, much deeper.

In fact, the difference can be summed up in the following:

Guilt says, “I made a mistake.”
Shame says, “I AM a mistake.”

Wow, the implications between “I made” and “I am” are HUGE!

Destructive feelings of shame focus on past failures, feelings of wrongdoing, deserving punishment or that I am no good.

Constructive guilt focuses on the person I have hurt, the mistake I have made and the possibility of FUTURE CHANGE.

Yes, shame holds us hostage to a focus on the past, on ME instead of the future and what I can do differently next time. It keeps us from learning when we mess up or from being a part of healing an injured relationship.

“Shame is a soul eating emotion.”
~ C.G. Jung

Shame focuses on how bad I am while true constructive guilt focuses on the other person and what next step I must take.

In a strange way, shame is actually selfish. It’s about me and rarely leads to any meaningful change. It is kind of like confessing a sin, feeling better afterwards and then continuing to repeat the behavior.

Shame does not lead to change, only a beating up of one’s self.

Only a true acknowledgment of guilt leads to the possibility of becoming a new person.
So, the question becomes what do I do to keep from beating myself up with shame when I blow it?

Here are 3 things needed to identify and overcome destructive feelings of shame:

1) Determine If You Are Wrong

This sounds so basic, yet it is so easy to assume that we did something wrong. If we have low self esteem, we might assume that if a relationship is going poorly, then it must be my fault. Or, if I fail to follow through on a project I am working on, then it must mean that I am lazy – I am “guilty” of being a failure.

Ask yourself, am I really wrong. Did I actually blow it or am I assigning all the blame to myself when there might be many other variables involved in things not going well. It’s possible that the guilt that you feel is based on numerous ‘shoulds’ that you grew up with.

“When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.”  ~ Woody Allen

Maybe you’re not a lazy person, but rather afraid of rejection if you complete your project and put it out for the world to see. There is absolutely NO room here to feel shameful. Ironically, feelings of shame will lead to a greater possibility of not finishing … leading to more shameful feelings until you give up completely.

2) Discover Where You Are Wrong

Yes, there are times that we blow it (for myself, there are many times!). The key principle is that once we become aware that we are actually guilty, then we can use this awareness to discover exactly where we went wrong.

For example, maybe you were hurt by something said to you, leading to defensiveness and then saying something hurtful back. Take time to discover your part, knowing this kind of honesty can set you free to change.

3) Decide What You Need to DO About It

In the example above, you might feel a ‘right’ to be defensive, yet need to take responsibility that you hurt the other person and apologize to them. You are guilty and can help repair the injury by taking action. Again, there is no room for shame, but rather to take charge and do something about it.

Maybe you are feeling terrible about yourself for putting off something you made a commitment to finish. Acknowledge you have blown it and then decide to take charge and get back on track without any further negative self-talk.

 Make a commitment today to acknowledge when you are guilty, take steps to learn and heal and stop shaming yourself when you blow it. And remember that you are never, ever a mistake!

The post Cancel Your Guilt Trip and Demand a Full Refund (Encore Post) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

As meaningful as these pictures are to us, we all carry another picture, one far more powerful than those in our wallet, etc. It is the mental picture that we carry that represents the opinion that we have of our self.

This picture is our self-image, a perception that has, from early on in life, influenced us in terms of our self-confidence, and in what we accomplish in our life, relationships and business.

Author Josh McDowell once said,

Your self-image is like a set of lenses through which you see reality. The healthier your self image, the more accurately your lenses let you see reality, and the more appropriate then is your behavior in response to that.”

If, for example, you picture yourself as a failure, then you will find some way to fail in your art, business and life, no matter how much you want to succeed. By looking through a lens of self-deficiency, you will act accordingly.

Dr. Joyce Brothers says,

You cannot consistently perform in a manner which is inconsistent with the way you see yourself.”

What, then, is the picture of yourself that you carry with you all day?

I would go so far as to say that all of our behavior is guided by the picture that we have of ourself. Self-confidence must have as its foundation a picture of someone of worth and potential.

Research has made it clear that success is not based on IQ, skills, age, education or gender, but rather is built on a foundation of a belief in one self.

In his remarkable book, Peak Performers, Charles Garfield concluded,

The greatest single characteristic of those who achieve their goals is the simple ‘belief that you can do it’.”

My challenge to you is to develop a healthy self-portrait by changing the mental picture of yourself that you have been carrying all of these years.

Here are 7 Steps to Self-Esteem and Confidence:

1) See Yourself as You Really Are

Begin by taking a realistic inventory of the best and the worst in yourself. If you are really good at something, shout it out to yourself (and the world). If you could improve in a particular area, commit to changing it without beating yourself up.

On a spiritual level, I believe that God sees us as highly significant and greatly loved, even when we blow it.

2) Take Time and Look Back

It is important to take a look at what I call your ‘emotional roots’. I am not talking about looking back as a victim or to blame anyone, but rather gaining an understanding that somewhere between your birth and today you accepted lies about your value.

Awareness is always the beginning of change.

3) Adopt a New Motto: “To BE, rather than to SEEM”

Stop basing the picture you have of yourself on whether someone else is smiling or frowning at you. Accept your uniqueness. Stop giving power away to what others think of you. Decide today that you will live authentically rather than in terms that you allow others to define.

4) Lose Your Fear of Perfect People

They do not exist. Period. The good news is that everyone, even those that we look up to, struggle and doubt at times. The goal is not to be perfect but to be growing and moving towards greater things. Eliminate thoughts such as “If only I could be like him …” and replace it with “Who do I want to become?”

5) Take Responsibility for ONLY What is Under Your Control.

Life is challenging, so why take on an even greater burden by believing you are responsible for things that you cannot control? Focus on those things that you can take charge of and go full force towards them, one at a time.

6) Develop Positive Self-Talk

Stop your self-critical thinking. If you are a creative person, nothing will destroy your ability to create amazing things more than self-criticism. Eliminate words of shame that you tell yourself. Quit beating yourself up. Listen for the ‘shoulds’ and tell them where to go! Commit to becoming aware of the lies in your thinking. Work with a coach and say, “It’s time for me to stop getting in the way of my success.”

7) Acknowledge & Affirm your Strengths and Accomplishments

My experience is that most of us keep a ‘Failure Log’ in our heads of all of the times things don’t go well or when we screw up. Instead, keep a (literal) ‘Victory Log’ – Every time you experience a victory, no matter how seemingly small, write it down. Build your Log so that on the day you get discouraged, you can pull it out as a reminder of how far you have come. Never stop filling up the Log!

Remember that your self-image is based on old experiences and perceptions. Do not allow yourself to stay a slave to that image. You are valuable and have amazing gifts to share with the world!

Question: Which of the 7 Steps are the most challenging to you? Are there any other steps that have helped you with self-confidence that you would like to add to the list? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

The post 7 Steps to Self-Esteem & Confidence (Encore Post) first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.

The process of staying present on a daily basis is such a challenging one. Our mind, from the moment we wake up until we hit the pillow at night, is FULL of so many thoughts, emotions, plans and fears, that it is a wonder we ever accomplish anything at all! And even if we do accomplish things, there usually is a price to pay of stress, burnout, anxiety and exhaustion.

With the rush of the Holiday Season, and everything that surrounds it, we are even less prepared to slow down and enjoy the moment.

To help with the everyday tendency to emotionally and mentally be ‘on the go’ with a busy overthinking mind, I created a very simple, yet powerful, guide to help you stay focused throughout the days ahead.

I will be sharing more posts in the months ahead and ways to stay present, but to help right now, click here to receive your free PDF and begin your journey to create a Daily Mindfulness Routine.

The post Creating a Mindfulness Routine first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.