There are few phrases that I hear in my practice as a Performance Coach that are as deadly as, “That’s just the way I am.”

Deadly as in creating a wall, or roadblock, to achieving the goals that are the most meaningful to you. It is a phrase that so many of my clients have tolerated in their life and which, if not challenged and overcome, becomes a belief as true in their thinking as the sun will surely go down tonight. If I have always believed it, then it must be true about myself.

Those who have experienced my style of coaching understand that when I hear such a phrase, I immediately challenge it – as those words cannot be allowed to linger for a moment in your thinking without more damage being caused.

This damage can be in the form of holding back when given an opportunity to move forward in your career (“Well, I would love to be considered for a promotion, yet if it involves giving more presentations, then I will have to decline because…That’s just the way I am, I cannot speak in front of an audience without anxiety”).

“I would love to start my own business, or create a new piece of unique art, or start the book I have always dreamed about but unfortunately I cannot, as I have never felt much confidence in my abilities, because that’s just the way I am.”

Do you avoid or say no or disregard an opportunity to take risks because you have always believed that you are not enough, that it is just the way that you are?

What if, however, you have been telling yourself a lie all of these years? What if “That’s just the way I am” actually only means, “That’s how I have always seen myself, but it’s not really who I am!”

The foundation to changing your negative self-talk begins with making a commitment to yourself (and possibly to an accountability partner) that “I will no longer tolerate telling myself lies or believing that I am ‘stuck’ with how I have been or that I cannot change after all of these years.”

What negative thoughts you are tolerating in your life?

The great news is that you have the power to begin to change such thinking and blast through towards new achievements or goals.

As caring as I am in my coaching, I will simply never believe, or allow, such lies to continue to be expressed! I can tolerate a lot, but not destructive words such as “That’s just the way I am.” It’s time that you tell that negative voice that you will no longer tolerate the lies and begin to replace them with the truth about yourself – that you are absolutely capable of change and going for your dreams.

If you are ready to challenge such negative thinking and begin to perform on a new and more positive level, then let’s schedule a free Discovery Call to explore what your next steps need to be!

The post Are You Lying to Yourself? first appeared on Dr. Nick Lazaris.