As a performance and anxiety coach, I have found that the majority of my clients, when we begin working together, mentally live in 1 of 2 places.

The most common place is in the future, in the land of ‘What If ?’ – a place where they say things such as,

”What if my business presentation goes bad”

“What if I ask her on a date and she says “No”?

“What if no one wants to purchase my art”

“What if my audition (or interview) doesn’t go well and I’m rejected.

There is, however, another land that I find my clients living in, and that is in the past, the land of ‘If only…’

“If only I had started my business earlier”

“If only I had more self-confidence”

“If only my family wasn’t so dysfunctional”

“If only I wasn’t rejected.”

“If only … If only”

The land of ‘What if’ is based in Anxious Anticipation while the land of ‘If only’ is based in Regret.

Unfortunately, Anticipation and Regret keep us stuck in fear, sadness and victimhood while draining the precious energy necessary to experiencing an amazing life.

Many years ago, I was terrified of speaking in public (“What if I blank out …What if they laugh at me …What if I blow it in front of everyone?”). I was living in the future.

One day, I finally decided that I had enough of living in that land and made a decision to take charge of my fears. At that moment I committed myself to overcoming my anxiety and began to practice the speaking skills that led to my future speaking success.

I had, at that very moment, made a decision to live in the third land, the land of ‘I choose’, of living in the present.

If you choose to live in ANY land other than the present, it probably will feel safe and ‘known’ yet it will rob you of your ability to experience joy, wonder, spontaneity and creativity.

In order to truly live, perform and create, we must commit to residing in the present and make choices right now, in this very moment.

I have discovered that the key to practicing presence is by SLOWING DOWN, breathing deeply and giving yourself permission to experience the present moment in an innocent, trusting and spontaneous way.

Too often we pressure ourselves to be someone we feel we ‘should’ be, putting on ‘masks’ out of fear of becoming vulnerable to what may happen in the future. Take off your mask, be yourself and go for it!

Commit to becoming more spontaneous, to giving yourself permission to hear “No” and have it not define who you are. Fear of rejection causes us to avoid situations where we might hear “No” which then leads to not getting what we desire or deserve.

Yet, the more ‘No’s’ you receive, the closer you will be to a “Yes!” In fact, I challenge you to seek out as many No’s as you can in the next week.

Each day write in your journal or calendar one large request of someone. Ask for a free coffee at Starbucks, ask to be on someone’s Podcast, apply for that dream job, begin that piece of art or book chapter without a concern of living in the fear of a future “No”. The more audacious the better! You get the picture – begin now to give yourself a chance to hear “Yes!”

Let your childlike and imaginative self go for it. Dream BIG, stop listening to self-limiting self-talk. Challenge the ‘What if’s’ and ‘If only’s’ with ‘SO WHAT if I hear a no!!’

Choosing an active orientation to living means that you are a person who goes after what they want. You are saying to the world, “This is what I want. I’m going to go for it.”

It’s time to move from where you have been living to where you want to be.

The powerful news is that it’s under your control!

If you are tired of living in fear, and want to explore how I can help you overcome your anxiety and fear of rejection, click here to schedule your no-charge Coaching Discovery Call.

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